To my Parents

(Oregon)

Dear Mom and Dad... When I was born, I can only imagine the amount of joy, love, trust and devotion that I brought to you both. For my entire life you guys have been with me for every step of the way. Even when I mess up, you guys were there for me; helping me to get back on my feet. You both were my entire world.

Last year as you separated from each other, it hit me like a gunshot. How could the two people who once loved one another so deeply, now despise even thinking about the other?

The two people who were always there for me, now had a war raging between them, and it tore me away. I could feel myself losing you, Mom. I could sense my distance from you, Dad. And all through it all, I knew I was losing my own self too.

I should have talked to someone. I should have reached out to someone, but I began to stop caring. My actions were done without thinking. My words were spoken without realizing the repercussions that would be caused. And now, what I have done is worse than I would ever imagine.

I do try so hard to bring back all the good things I once had with you guys. But it seems that no matter how hard I try, there's something inside of me that conflicts. I know that no matter how much I want to take back what's been done, I can't do that, and I will never be able to. All that I can do, is hope that you both will forgive me and understand.

When I did what I did, it was a last resort. I felt disconnected from both of you. I no longer felt close to my sisters. I stopped talking to my good friends because I didn't think that they cared.

Mom, Dad, I was struggling in my life. When I did what I did, I never meant to hurt anyone. I can't justify what I did, nor can I understand why I did it. All that I can do right now is give you this apology.

When all is said and done, I know that you both still love me. Even though you may not love each other, your love for me and my sisters will never fade. I'm sad, and angry at myself for taking this long to realize that.

The mistakes that I've made before I realized that were a cry for help, and at the time, a cry out to be loved once more. But I know now that I was loved all along.

I don't mean to add another burden to your lives, and for that I am so deeply sorry. I never meant to make those mistakes, and for that I am so deeply sorry too.

Everyone in the world yearns to love, and be loved in return. Only some however are blessed with that gift. I now realize that I am one of the lucky few.

I will always love you, Mom and Dad. No matter what happens in this family, I will always love you both. I hope you will forgive me for what I have done. I am so sorry.

With unconditional love,

K