Sorry to You, Your Family and Friends

by Claire
(UK)

I hope you hear me out...I'm sorry for hurting your feelings and being defensive every time you called me out for the wrong things I've done to you, your friends and family. If you can just hear me out this once I would be entirely gratefully. I've been a manipulative, self-centered back stabbing b*tch who is too selfish to even share a small amount of my appreciation of you, you friends and family.

I hope you understand that this is an apology. I'm owning up for the things I've done in the past. I'm not saying I didn't mean any of the things I did to hurt your feelings, because truthfully I did. I've learnt from my past mistakes.

I do not expect anything in return, not even an acceptance of my apology. I just really want you to know the truth. but, I am afraid the truth is even darker than my manipulative, sadistic behaviour. I have hurt you, and your family, and your friends very badly.

I know this and I know I did mean the things I did. Although now I am trying to get over my sadistic behaviour and am trying to be an all around good person.

I have been hurt, worse than how I have hurt you. I lashed out and projected my past onto you and everyone around you instead of seeking the help I needed for traumatic events that have hurt me in the past.

But, this is not about me and my trauma though, this is about how I have caused trauma on you and the people around you.

I really am sorry.

To be completely honest, I don't think saying sorry or my apology will fix this. I am trying to put this into words you understand, but really all of the overwhelming emotions I am feeling right now somehow prevent me from doing so.

I can't put all this into words, I'm sure you feel the same. I just hope you understand the message I'm trying to put across here.

I am trying to recover but truthfully I know I am mentally unstable, and need serious help.

I am going to make the wisest decision in this situation and cut off all communication with you, your family and friends. I no longer want to cause any of you harm.

I'm doing this because not only do I no longer want to cause you any harm but I will not be able to handle my manipulative ways and actions if I continue to engage with you.

I love you and always will..

Yours sincerely,
Claire x