Sorry Nicole

by Keith
(Snohomish, WA, USA)

Nicole I know you will probably never read this, but I am so sorry for the way I was. When you left it left me broken beyond belief, and here, three months later, I'm still heartbroken, I still cry myself to sleep every night, I still can't get over you no matter how hard I try, I still have all of the pictures we took together and I still look at them.

It hurts me to know that I may never call you mine again. I always loved you I really did mean it, nothing could have ever made me break up with you. I don't understand what happened to us.

We were so close, and now every time I look through our old conversations it hurts my heart.

I dream that I will get you back and hug you and kiss you and hold your hand again, but I feel like that day will never come! I'm so sorry I hurt you!! I really am! I feel like the worst person in the world!! I never meant to hurt you or do anything!

I felt like if I could show you how I felt it would help but I just hurt you even more! I have been to hell and back in emotional pain and every time I close my eyes, I see your face.

I remember our whole relationship. Every thing, every last detail about everything!! I really do! I can't get you out of my head!! I'm so sorry!!

I want the chance to make everything up to you! I know I may not be in deserving, but I know if I get the chance to call you mine again, I would never give you a reason to regret it! I want to actually send you this but I don't know how you would react!

I've contemplated suicide several times after our breakup (but know and understand that it is not a solution). I listen to songs that describe my feeling, like "Right Now" by Akon; and "Just a Dream" by Nelly! What hurts the most is that you said you would never leave, you were the first to say it, but look what happened to us!! I feel like a complete stranger to you and I just can't imagine you with another guy! It hurts soo badly!

I know the distance between us is large, but we made it work before. It isn't a long drive from Snohomish to Bellingham, I did it for a long time to see you! It was worth it, every mile!! I just wish things could go back to the way they were, because I really do miss how we used to be, and I know you may be really upset, and maybe you even hate me after I sent you that song earlier!

I am willing to do anything and everything to make it up to you! You meant the world to me and I would give away everything I have because nothing else was as valuable as you were to me! It wasn't about the mistakes we made, it wasn't about that side of our relationship! All I ever wanted was to make you feel wanted! I don't even know what happened to us! All I know right now, is that if necessary, I will buy you the most expensive gemstone I can find at a jewelry store, and I will give it to you. I know I can't buy forgiveness, but it's a symbol of being sincere in my apology, being willing to give away almost all of my money for you! You meant so much to me! And I know if I get you back I won't ever give you a reason to regret coming back!!

- Keith