Not Another Throw Around Apology

by M

Kelvin... Where to start? I honestly have no clue. This is the hardest and toughest apology I've ever had to think of because I was just so awful too you. This apology isn't the typical "I'm sorry I f***ed up" no, this one is deeper. I'm going to start from the beginning; I'm sorry for hurting you emotionally by talking to other guys at the beginning. I know you're still in pain from that, and always will be.

It's been subsisting but it's still there the hate and disgust you have for me; I see it, I can hear it in your voice and I know it. I'm sorry for that because it wasn't just once but twice it happened.

I've been nothing but awful, it was a rocky road to get back and see you again, but it did happen and that made me feel so blessed. You know, you have a big and kind heart that loves everyone for their flaws and more. I'm sorry I took advantage of that, I'm sorry that I was selfish to ask you to come see me when your brother was leaving and you couldn't see him for a long time after that.

I'm sorry I did end up ruining everything after that, once again, but we did build back up and I'm sorry for what I did that has lead me to apologize like this.

I'm sorry for pushing you, telling you I hate you and kicking you out of my house. You've been so kind to me and for me to just explode and not control or stop or anything has hurt me so badly because I hurt you so badly to the point where you don't even want me anymore not even as a friend.

I'm sorry for all the pain, confusion, tears, anger and everything I wish I could go back to when we were in the park and you sang to me. I wish I had a magic wand to fix everything. I never wanted to lose you and I know I'm hanging on a string right now with you because you don't want or need me anymore.

I'm just here and understand that a lot of the things that made our relationship so rocky and damaged are because of my actions and selfishness. I always denied it but I can't anymore. I'm taking full responsibility for my actions for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. It's not my intention. I just want to love you and be a happy loving couple again.

I understand I've ruined things to the point where that is imaginary and it's not real, and I'm sorry it's to that point. I hope you can see how much our relationship and friendship means to me, I hope one day you'll consider starting over.

I love you, I care about you, always have and always will. I wish and hope you could forgive me one day.

I'm so very sorry for everything. I love you sweetheart. xo Madhatty...