Never Wanted to Hurt You.

by Veronica
(Ohio)

Dear friends, old friends, ex-friends, I don't know what we are right now... I was all wrong. And you were all right. You're right. You tried to help me with what I was going through, you built me up, you always encouraged me, we laughed together, smiled, hung-out, ate food, took pictures, we had unique friendships and I feel terrible because I ruined it all.

Before I became close with any of you, you were all close. And it made me really jealous because I felt like when I started getting to know each one of you, that I was being pushed away at the same time. And then when some of us hung-out, things got out of hand and I found myself complaining about the other person, along with you.

And then you and that person drifted away and you guys barely talked at all. I didn't talk to you guys for awhile cuz we never saw each other, but I grew closer and closer to the person I saw all the time. And then I told her about us talking about her, because we promised each other honesty. She had said things weren't all that good, and I felt horrible but I didn't want a part of this, I hate being in the middle because I loved you all...

And now you all act like you hate me and never want to see me again, deleting me on Facebook, except for the one that can't.., and blocking me on Twitter, not allowing me to text you, having your MOM call my parents.

I just don't know what you want to hear other than this is a mess and not how it was supposed to happen. I was dumb, foolish, immature, messed up, depressed, and I just wanted friends who cared about me and who were interested in hearing what I had to say, and I guess I did it the wrong way.

To friend # 1:

You and I were close. Although we have a big age difference, that doesn't matter. We formed a unique relationship through all the ups and downs that I thought became so much stronger than it used to be. You've supported me through everything, been there for me to cry on your shoulder, you've sent me encouraging emails and messages, your smile has lit up my life in so many ways, and I guess I cared about you more than you cared about me.

But I do not want to lose this friendship we've shared. Please forgive me, I promise I will never lie to you again. I hate thinking you never want to talk to me again and that I'm a horrible person. I'm trying twin... because I love you and want to make things better... forgive and forget. Give me a chance to explain myself. Please. I love you.

Friend #2:

When we first met, I didn't think you liked me. but after the first week of band camp, we got along great. You were so helpful in helping me learn music in marching band and your smile made me smile and your laughs made me laugh. It was so nice making a new friend where there was no problems and challenges and I could just be me:)

You always tried to build me up, even hitting me with a go-kart...after not seeing you for awhile after the season was over... things went downhill. I know you probably don't want to talk to me ever again, but please forgive and forget and move on... I miss you. I feel terrible but I've forgiven you for hurting me, and I'm asking for a second chance. I love you.<3

Friend #3:

You reached out to me in my time of need as soon as you saw it right away. When I tweeted something sad you would respond with something uplifting and encouraging and you were there when I needed you. Also meeting you during band, we became closer. You were so nice to me and always joked around with me, you have an awesome sense of humor.

I never felt like there was something I could not tell you, although I always wondered about it. You made me smile and laugh and really think about what awesome friends I had. And now I'm asking for a second chance please, because I need you in my life... I love you.:)