My Back Handed Apology Letter, for the End of My 25 Year Marriage

by Marie H.
(Rehoboth Beach, DE USA)

My Dearest Ed, Husband of 25 years ... I am not going to apologize for anything I have said or done during our breakup. You have been a horrible man, trying to do harm to me, trying to incite me, trying to hurt me in action and word beyond belief. The things you have said, and your unemotional, systematic destruction of our 25 year marriage was a horror to watch. An even bigger horror to be the recipient of.

Your lack of caring, emotional detachment, constant disrespect and disregard for me, for us, for our family, has been like watching Armageddon--Losing 2 houses to your lethargy, refusing to finish them so they could be sold and not foreclosed on. Sinking a 35,000 sail boat out of neglect, losing a million dollar business, because you wanted to fool around with the girls instead of coming home to sleep. All those young girls I felt I needed to protect... Nope, not sorry for keeping them close and protecting them, love most of them to death.

But even your explanations for why you have done these things are hurtful, (these are the "good" ones, the really nasty ones I left out) "I wanted to see if those 2 men following you would do anything before I stepped out from behind the wall."..."I didn't see him hit you, so it did not happen." ..."I want a reset button, I know there is a happier life for me."... "Jeez everyone I know got at least one divorce", "You're not enough for me"... "I am staying, I am not going anywhere, I love you, I want to be here with you. However, I am going to sex parties as often as I want."... "I have hurt you deeply, I can't change it, you bringing it up when I hurt you again in the same way is why I have to leave."... "Of course I was staring at that girl, and left to talk to her, she is pretty."... "There is no one else, I do not know where the clothes came from. Perhaps one of YOUR friends?"... "Yes I joined all those dating sites. It was your fault" "It was your birthday the day I did that? Well you got angry with me, so ..."

I don't know how to:

Say I am Sorry, (I guess he never saw a Hallmark commercial)
Remember your birthday, year after year, Saying, "Why are you crying, you're feeling sorry for yourself"
Buy you a Christmas gift, year after year, "feeling sorry for yourself again huh.”
Get you an Anniversary Gift., "Again with the tears, sheesh you're sick, you better stop or I am leaving"
Throw you a party, “NO tears or I swear I will leave”. (he organized them for others and the grand kids).

To our Family... I am SOOOO SORRY, for my blind denial of this destructive behavior for all those years. I will never forget how detrimental my acceptance of every knife in the back was to you, However, You need to be responsible for your own behavior and not to mimic him (Chuck).

I am SO SORRY for building him up all those years, while you watched him do nothing, and instead disrespected me. While I flittered around bragging to everyone about him, because he washed a dish.

So Ed, no I am not going to apologize for anything I have said or done during the break up. I will apologize, whole heartily, to everyone our current and former towns, for letting you get away with everything.

I am so sorry for bragging incessantly about what a good man you were, for saying over and over ad-nausea, how much I loved you. I would like to apologize to the towns people, the family and any stranger standing nearby, because I think damn near everyone has heard me say "I look across the room and think I couldn't love anyone any more than I do Ed, even after all these years." No wonder so many looked at me as if they were about to puke.

You were sexting them or their women! I am sorry!!!!!

I should have booted your ass in Shady Side in 2001 when I found you and your lover video chatting on line. I am sorry because I should have let you be more responsible for your behavior, the home, the family, one boat. (Anything!) I thought I was doing the right thing making the peace, forgiving, accepting, almost never arguing with you and spoiling you, the man I loved.

Maybe if you had paid the bills once or twice, or cleaned the house once in a while, cut the grass, or did any chore regularly, kept a job long enough to get a pension, but I babied you instead. I am sorry.

I did that because I thought it was how to love you, but you never matured. I am truly sorry for this, the immaturity has not done you or anyone any good at all.

Now your 50, headed out to the dating scene, a bit baggier, with a lot less hair, and thinking your god’s gift to the women.

I have barely survived you. The children may have but grandchildren, the lasting damage to them is yet to be seen. For this is am whole heartily sorry. I should have protected them better form you.

God bless who you replace me with, I would like to apologize to her now... Please accept my heartfelt apology.

And finally, Ed, please accept my apology for giving you everything you ever wanted, and not making you work for anything.

I am so sorry… I was so wrong
Marie H.