I'm Sorry For Being Me Right Now

by Me
(Texas)

Dear B...I know you'll never see this and I'm glad for that. I don't want you to, but no one I talk to really helps me and I thought maybe this would. I'm sorry for reading human behavior wrong. I'm sorry for having feelings for one of your best friends and that I think I'm growing really strong feelings for you too. I'm sorry I'll never tell you I like you, though that probably doesn't affect you at all because you probably feel nothing at all for me beyond friendship.

I'm sorry about your life, we have similar hardships, but when we talk to our friends I act like I have it good. I think you've begun to notice though.

I'm sorry I don't know about everything that happened before I was in the group, I get it out though, I'm still the "new girl". And, even if I'm not like other girls, I'm still a girl who no one trusts with information.

I'm sorry I let myself fall for you, I didn't know you had a girlfriend. I'm sorry you don't see yourself for how smart you really are.

I'm sorry I don't know if you actually like me back or not. I'm sorry I make things complicated. I'm sorry I can be pushy and seem a little mean sometimes.

I'm sorry that my friend asked you if you liked me, I'm sorry I still don't fully believe what she told me was your answer. I'm sorry that even when I think I'm getting really strong feelings for you, your friend still stays on my mind sometimes.

I'm sorry this is all most-likely unnecessary, because you never even noticed any of this and you probably don't care. I'm sorry me ripping all of this out doesn't seem to be helping me clear out my mind or straighten up my feelings.

I'm sorry that if you ever saw this you'd think I was the same as every other girl, that we wouldn't be friends anymore.

I'm sorry I dream about you.

I'm sorry I thought not really having a dad wouldn't affect me, but now I feel I need someone and want to be alone at the same time.

I'm sorry I can't just be simple and an underling like I want to be. I'm sorry I thought I could join your group and fit in easily.

I thank you for accepting me in the first place though. I thank you for giving me a better group off friends that I thoroughly enjoy being around.

I'm sorry I'm too emotional, and I'm sorry you guys don't see me as I see you. I'm sorry no one needs me, so I'm all screwed up, and use books to hide and get smart. Because I think that if I'm smart I can be wealthy and escape this place.

I'm sorry I'm going through any of this. I know this must be pretty normal and everyone, at some point, likely goes through something similar.

I know I'll grow out of this, but for now I'm just sorry about everything that's going on in my life.