I'm sorry bestie, I really really am.

by Lisha
(Yorkshire)

Best friend? I hope you're okay. I really don't know what to say. There's so much going on right now, my mums ill, she hasn't been feeling well for ages now and she's always in bed. Me and you are not talking and it feels right weird because we usually snapped each other and text each other every day.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. Yes,I made a mistake by keeping luqi on my best friends list. I should have deleted him straightaway. I did send everyone a good night message, and now I realize that I shouldn't have. For the last week of school, after I made up with you, the only people I ever snapped was you, safaa and maria.

The week before that when everything was ok between all of us - I was talking to luqmaan then, but that was before you fell out with me. And he had been on my list, so it would make sense if you deleted me - which you did & then added me again, that you would go off my list and the last person I snapped the most would go on it. That's how he ended up on my list, not because I'd been snapping him I promise.

I've got a Quraan next to me, and I've just prayed, I ain't gonna lie. I feel so alone, I mean apart from you & safaa I actually don't have any people that care. I don't wanna lose you, but I feel like I have. Please talk to me,

I didn't take advantage of you and neither once did I ever think that I'd delete luqi and then add him again so you wouldn't know. I haven't spoken to him since the first time he got between us. That was the only snap that I ever sent to him in the last 3 weeks. I promise, I haven't taken advantage of you and haven't done anything behind your back. I really will make it up to you... I don't deserve your forgiveness and don't forget, I'm not asking for that. I just want us to start afresh and move on, away from the negativity. I don't plan on even talking to him again.

In all honesty liayba, I don't even deserve a friend like you, because you've always been there for me. I know I've messed up again, but please just talk to me? I hate it when you're upset with me and we don't talk, I just can't imagine school without you by my side. You've always been there for me, and I thank you for that so much.

Right now, I'm just really sorry, it kills me inside to have hurt someone who trusted me and who I care about so much. To have a true friend is a rare opportunity and I've experienced that now, they are so hard to find, difficult to even think about leaving.

I regret doing the things I did, so much. You're a good person inside and out, and I have never ever thought of taking advantage of you. Never.

I just wanted to give you some space, and will give you some more if you need it, I just want to know how you're feeling right now. I'm prepared to do anything to get you back. To a normal person, I would only apologise once, but you mean a lot liayba, a lot.

I think about you every day and what an idiot I am for sending that snap and not deleting luqmaan straight away. Please, at least look past my dumb mistake and talk to me?

In year 11 when we come back to school, I actually am going to start afresh. Not gonna talk to some people and I really am gonna keep my sh*t to myself. I'm just hurt as well, losing you and because of other stuff. It may take time, but I wanna start again, I'll respect you and give you the time you need. If you wanna talk, I'm ready to listen, it's the least I can do. xxx