I'm Sorry ABS

by C.Ludovic
(New Jersey )

This is my heartfelt apology written by me to you, for all the insensitive things I've said and done. Please forgive me for my past behavior... I would do anything to hit the reset button but in the real world that's just not possible. I have realized, as I've matured, my time spent with you was precious, time that I mostly squandered.

I didn't consider myself to be a bad guy just confused. Clarity is now how I live my life.

Being clear on who cares for you and how they should be treated. When Riccotta passed I was devastated. She was my world and realizing that she was gone was so hurtful for me.

I've felt that hurt with my brother and sister obviously and you personally, caused by my dumbness and when Jazz and Sammy passed (you were a great guardian to them )... so I know the pain.

Her passing has given me a reason to think about things and reflect and write this not because of me thinking about me and my grief...but because as I get older I think about the past and want to sincerely say I'm sorry to YOU...

I have no ulterior motive at all, other than my love for you as a person, and I do love you.

Years ago I couldn't figure out how to love you and now that I have it's too late, sadly.

Again this letter is about me saying I'm sorry to you and asking if sometime you might find forgiveness for me.

I did this in this fashion because I will never bother you on the phone or in person. I did text twice. Once when a tragic event happened to Jewish folks and I wanted to protect and hug you. And, the other time was another apology. A shorter version. I don't know if you got them or not.

I did ask Tony to show you a text I sent to you but it's better if you left not bothered by it or didn't think about it at all...

I pray that you'll find forgiveness in your heart someday for me Al....

I'm sorry Al.

God Bless

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Our writer felt that they weren't quite finished, and followed up with the letter below.....

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I'm writing this heartfelt apology to you for all the mental anguish and insensitive things I've caused and done.

Your forgiveness is something I pray for daily. Although, I may never get it, I'll continue to pray and feel the burden of not having it.

I apologize to you for not realizing all the love you offered me.

Seeing things through a different lens now is extremely painful for me. Therapy works. In my case it's good and bad because when the light comes on and it's too late that's a very sad realization.

One that I don't wish on anyone in a way.

This is not about me I promise. I look back and well I wish you were treasured by me instead of taken for granted mostly.

Your friendship, voice, and smile are now just squandered memories. I wish you so much happiness and success in work and private.

Reset buttons and do-overs only happen in Hollywood sadly (for me ) or you would have been treated totally different.

I wanted to write something that conveys how sorry I am to you for that time of yours wasted by me. You're special and caring and such a good person that I sometimes have trouble thinking of us together.

What the heck were you thinking anyway, kidding...

Love is something you don't take for granted, if your reasonably intelligent. Walking out on the woman of your dreams over and over isn't advisable behavior either. Well we know how that's turned out for me,which leads me to ask you to find forgiveness for me at some point for doing those things.

Obviously I loved, love you and wanted to say thank you for letting me into your life.

I could fill up this page with just your beautiful attributes. I love and pray for your family and Sofie and Sasha...

I recently lost Riccotta my other love. Of course you know I wouldn't bother you, except for a semi annual text which I'm not sure you see. (I was having a bad time with Riccotta's passing and reached out.)

I don't know if you'll ever see this I'm not sure how to un-intrusively send it but writing it was difficult and from my heart.

I'm stupid and dumb and I was so not clear on relationship stuff. I own it no excuses.

I can't imagine even if you did start reading it that you'd stay awake for the ending which is coming I swear. There isn't anything funny about how someone can be so blind to things.

I've apologized so many times before that you actually said to me to stop saying your sorry but this one is different. This one feels real to me because it is.

Thank You for being in my life and I apologize to you from my Heart....C.