I'm Deeply Sorry For Lying My Love

by David
(Helena, Montana)

To the most important person in my life and my one true love... Sheila, I'm such a mess, but you know that--a real big mess. It was the look of hurt in your eyes that made me see that. I'm terribly sorry for lying and as you know, I lie all the time. I honestly never thought about the consequences of my actions.

And it is exactly those consequences that have brought me to where I am today.

I deeply regret everything bad that I've done to you. Every lie I've told you.

I see it all now. It's like when they say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die, well that's what happened to me in regard to the hurt I've caused you.

I would do anything and everything to turn back time and to build a relationship with you that was normal.

I never realized how all this was hurting you and our future.

I know that most of the people you've talked to have told you to leave me but here you are still staying despite everything bad that I've done.

None of this would've happened if I didn't behave the way I did.

You've always made more effort than me in our relationship. I didn't know how to appreciate people's efforts until you. You taught me to appreciate things big and small.

You've also made a lot sacrifices. You've given up things for me. You've missed classes for me. You've taken care of me. You go out of your way to please me. You've put me and my happiness before yours, always.

And how do I repay you for your loyalty, your devotion, your trust and your love? By lying and consistently taking you for granted.

I'm stunned at how clearly I see it all now.

I've almost destroyed everything we've built. I may have destroyed your trust in me and in our love.

For whatever reason (which I will never understand) after the biggest lie ever, you are giving me this one last chance.

I promise that I'm definitely not going to screw this one up. I'm changing, I'm turning into a man for the first time in my life--into the man you always saw in me but that I could never find.

I promise this time, no more lies. I now see the consequences of those lies.

The mere thought of how close I came to losing you scares me so profoundly that I need to make sure that only the truth is spoken from my lips.

No lie is worth it. No utterance of truth is scarier than the thought of losing you.

If I ever do lie to you again, please leave me. You deserve better. You've given me more than enough chances. I will understand because you don't deserve that. Ever.

You're my soulmate. I know that deep down. Perhaps you do too and that's why you are giving me this last chance.

I want to be with you forever. I don't want us to ever go away. I want to be the person that makes you experience happiness forever.

I'm deeply sorry.

I love you, forever and always.... David