I Want To Be Ready

by Sincerely, Me
(California )

Hey Sammy, I miss talking to you. Even platonically it was amazing. I know I messed things up recently by confessing how much I miss you. I think you deserve an apology, even if you're just going to brush it off and never talk to me again.

When we met I was at a low. I didn't even know I was at the low until you opened my eyes.

The way I talked about myself was disgusting and my future plans were flimsy. I was so immature. You showed me how to be better and I didn't even bother listening until you left.

You stopped doing drugs and went to rehab I heard. I'm so proud of you. I want to tell you how proud I am.

You told my dad that my brother might have ADHD. Because of your suggestion, we got him tested. He did have it and now he's got all these programs to help him.

I want to say how thankful I am.

Sometimes I wonder if I still like you because we actually had a connection or because you were a lot of my firsts. I hope it's real.

I don't know if I'm ready now. I don't know if we'll ever meet again when I'm older and wiser. I don't know if you still like me.

I don't know if you're my soulmate or a lesson.

You would always wish that I would pour into you as much as you poured into me.

I'd give it all to offer you something. But you always seem to have everything. The only thing I can offer you is a partner for life. But you could get that from anyone else.

I wish it could be me. I hope I find more ways.

You would text me randomly, call unexpectedly, send random Instagram photos, we had a streak too. I lost it all.

If I had just been relaxed from the beginning I would have never lost any of it. If I had just remained calm I wouldn't have lost it.

Maybe this is a challenge for our growth. It looked like you were doing fine but looks are deceiving.

I hope that once we grow we can reconnect. I'm gonna try again soon.

One day I'll probably show you this and we can laugh about it and cherish how everything paid off.

That's all. I'm gonna keep working on myself for now. Talk to you soon.