From your Daughter, I'm Sorry

by Jade
(Sumrall , MS)

Dear Mom and Dad... For my fast I have given up rap music and some country. I've been listening to mostly Christian music it's made a bigger impact on me than I thought it would, you know? It's given me a reason to stop and reflect, reflect on all the chances you've given me and all the times I've ruined it.

By lying, going behind your backs, fighting, yelling, cussing, being disrespectful, laughing at your rules—the rules that keep me safe.

Even after EVERYTHING, ya'll still bought me a whole freaking CAR. A car I'm willing to admit I don't deserve.

I don't deserve anything I've gotten. I'm deeply sorry for all the crap I've put you through sometimes though, it's easier to do these things than to fight the temptation of them, but lately it's been easier.

I have an amazing room thanks to ya'll. Even while I was being ugly, mom was putting up my lights. Then she even let Ty come over, she let Ryder come over even though I snuck around to meet him.

Dad is teaching me how to drive even though I have a pretty good feeling you're both wondering when I'm gonna use the car to sneak out one night (not that ya'll will believe this but I haven't snuck out of the house at night since ya'll went to Scotland).

If that's not grace I don't know what is. I realize I've dishonored both of you, and that I've dishonored our family. And I'm sorry for that.

I wish I could go back to when I was like maybe 12ish and make better choices but since nobody has invented a time machine just yet, this is where we are.

I know I can't change the past but I can change my future.

I hope that my future will include my parents, the ones who changed their entire lives so that I could grow up loved and wanted and have a better life than what I would have.

I may not be your blood but ya'll are the best parents and the only parents I've ever wanted.

This isn't like the other apologies, this is real. I feel horrible for the way I've treated ya'll. I hope ya'll can forgive me.

If you give me one last chance I swear to be the daughter you both so deeply deserve. I love you both so much.