Forever Sorry

by Glenna
(Northern VA)

I have been cheating on my husband off and on for 6 years. I can say without doubt that the affair is over, but there is a long road ahead of me to repentance, and I pray to find my husband still wants me as I am on that journey and that I will stay on the right path. I have been incredibly blind and stupid, as what I've had is more than any woman could've asked for. I hope this letter to him shows that I am serious. Here is my letter:

Joseph,

As I sit here thinking of my actions, I need to write this apology. I am incredibly embarrassed and shamed of the past 6 years of lies and cheating, more importantly the embarrassment, and unequivocal hurt and sadness it has brought to you and our kids. It is so hard to think of the tremendous damage I have caused to break apart every good thing you were trying to build for our family and our future.

I was feeling hurt and lost in our marriage, with finances and other worries not knowing how to reach out or talk to you, and a want to prove my desirability. Those are just my feelings and not excuses or blame. I take full responsibility for what I have done, and do truly want what is best for the entirety of you and the kids.

You are right, I am not a child and need to act like a grown woman, and I am going to act like one and own what is mine. What I did was the dumbest and most selfish thing a person could do, and I will never do it again.

These are my words, which probably don't mean much to you now, but I will show you. You will say you've heard this a thousand times, but I will for once prove it to you, even if it means we are not together. Any woman would be lucky to have you, and I will be working toward deserving that once again if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I Do Love You!

I have so much to learn, I want to be a person you can trust in and find love in once again. I can't thank you enough for not giving up on me, as I have felt like a lost soul, and now I see some light. I so often have been ready to just fall into the dark pit of despair and give up, but miraculously I saw a hand in the darkness, saying hold on and fight.

You are more than I could have ever imagined, and I have been so blind, you were right before my eyes and I walked right through you, on you. You don't deserve that, you deserve to be equally lifted and not brought down, a hand reaching out to you saying let's walk side by side, not one in front of the other. I'm so sorry so so sorry Joe.

Forever Regretful and Sorry,
Glenna

Comments for Forever Sorry

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My life is gone
by: Anonymous

I read the letter and the words are hit hard and deep, I cheated on my wife with a co-worker it was a brief encounter maybe 4-6 weeks.

I was broken inside from all the neglect and no emotions towards me for over 18 months. I love my wife but she found out through the husband and I was unable to tell her myself which made me feel even worse.

The mistake I made was taking my eye of the real prize and that was a life that shared, not perfect and kind of ugly at times but I was supposed to be the one to protect her and love her no matter what and I failed.

I don't know that she will ever forgive me but I have said what's in my heart to her and in time I hope she will give me and allow me to be the husband she deserves to have.

Enough is enough!
by: Anonymous

Six years? Good Lord. All the lies and constant betrayal is overwhelming to think about.

Why were you married?

You need to let your husband go so that he can hopefully find someone that actually loves him, and will cherish him. But, your selfishness just wont leave him alone will it?

Please do the right thing, and give him the encouragement he needs to leave you without delay.

Feel Blessed for your Family and Friends.
by: Anonymous

God Bless you Glenna for your honesty it was inspirational , it was heartfelt and just know that your not alone . I apologized for the same thing and Pray for forgiveness daily.

In my case I was given second chances and screwed them up as well [ what a putz I was, sadly].

All I can say is that saying a heartfelt I'm Sorry did me good and Prayerfully forgiveness will follow sometime or it may not.

Even if we don't reconcile, sadly [and i'm not saying that in your case hopefully you do if that's what's best and Love together for a lot of years] I said a for real I'm Sorry and meant it.

God Bless you and your Family and Hang in there and don't despair you did the right thing apologizing from the Heart.

Be well for your loved ones sake and take care ...Charles.

Shame...
by: Anonymous

You made the same mistake for six years!

It can be better
by: Anonymous

Glenna and so many others...many people have responded to you in such an ugly way. Please know that you can get through this.

You can be a wonderful wife and he can be a wonderful husband despite the pain. Think of him daily as if he has forgiven you. Think of yourself daily as if you are a great wife now.

See yourself in a happy and loving marriage with him and it can happen. If you listen to the people who say you are horrible and if you never forgive yourself, you will not have a marriage. It will become exactly what you think it is. I call it a "marriage fulfilling prophecy". It can be fixed. I promise.

I have been there. Ive been on both sides. Love your husband for the precious man he is and love yourself in the same way. ...Praying for you and all of us...

Hurt
by: Anonymous

I cheated after 15 years. I felt justified because my husband would not make love to me. In 17 years we made love less than 20 times.

The first ten years I cried and begged him to get help. We went to counseling and he would not invest emotionally in the sessions, I moved out around year 12.

Once again we went to counseling but nothing changed. I moved home because I wanted my family together. Two years after I went back, a man from work, who knew of my pain began to hit on me. We were close for years. He was single when we became colleagues, but later got married.

It's a long story but I fell in love with him. After 7 months into the affair I told my husband. He moved out. The affair continued until his wife found out. My affair partner completely abandoned me! He lied about everything! He left me!

My husband wants me back, but I am so hurt and tired over everything that I can't seem to decide. I moved to a new home with my two children. My husband is a sweet man, but his neglect of our marriage hurts me.

My affair partner, I gave all of my pride too! I am a wreck! Affairs are wrong, and we all sin! I don't want to condemn my husband, my lover, or myself. I want forgiveness and change!

After this much pain, it's hard to decide which way to go.

Talk is cheap
by: Anonymous

This sounds like a letter from my serial cheater ex husband who secretly cheated on me our entire seven year marriage. I didn't know if I could trust the words I received in his apology letter, so I prayed some huge prayers and decided to take matters into my own hands for my decision of leaving or staying, and I straight-up and very seriously spied on him. He was still lying and cheating while trying to repair things. After this discovery, I knew I would never trust a word out of him again, and I haven't and won't.

Your apology letter is actually going to be your actions and entire life, not a cheap set of words you throw together in an attempt to glue your family back together. The letters from my ex meant absolutely nothing, just nothing to me.

Have lousy friends? Ditch them... because 'birds of a feather' has never rung so true to me until discovering who my husband really was.

Stop drinking, smoking, drugging, shopping or whatever your problems come out as, and be prepared to deal with your inner crap that has caused you to be the person who would cheat in the first place. If you keep your other problems around as a crutch and don't deal with your inner turmoil, how do you really know you won't cheat again? I believe that's why 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is so commonly spewed. Because let's face it, we all have the ability to change, but rarely do cheaters make that change. It's extremely difficult.

Hopefully you can make some amends and your family can heal, regardless of what happens to your marriage.

It's not enough...
by: Shadow

The word "sorry" is as worthless as the cheater felt about their marriage. I have been through it as a person by whom was cheated on in a marriage. I write this from the experience of the betrayal, the lies, and the frozen tundra of divorce. From my pov, if a person cheats: they are not sorry. As cheaters are selfish creatures, I think that they should keep their apologies along with their well deserved guilt. Seriously, as a betrayed person- what does an apology get me? What does a fake promise buy? This is why an apology is not enough for a cheated on victim.... The heartfelt apology from a cheater is just an attempt to settle the guilt they deserve. That is all it is. Betrayal is unforgivable.

Pray
by: Anonymous

I hope that God heals your marriage and broken bond. We are human and we have the ability to Change and be loving. I will pray for you. Please pray for me

Once a cheater...
by: Anonymous

I hate the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater". There are so many variables to every situation and in every person.

Confession: after 15 years of marriage I had a two week long online affair. I never even met up with him in person, but I know it was still so very wrong. I didn't wait to get caught or hope my husband would never find out, I told him. Three weeks after it started I told him.

I couldn't handle it. I am not the type of person who lies. That was not someone I wanted to be. I was so certain the love of my life would leave me for what I had done to our family...and justifiably so...I was terrified!!! But he chose to stay and try to work it out. We are still trying...a year later.

We are in counseling. It is so hard to see his pain...the pain that I caused. To see him struggle with his self esteem, for the first time ever, because of me. I wish I could go back and undo it all, but I cannot. I NEVER thought I was capable of something so disgusting. I partly blame the arrogance of thinking "I would never..." It was one of the reasons I let my guard down.

I am wiser now and much more cautious. For awhile, I bought into the narrative "once a cheater..." I was suicidal. I had convinced myself that I was too broken to fix and that everyone really would be better off without me around to screw things up. I now know that none of that is now or was ever true.

People make mistakes, some bigger than others. Don't let them define you. Become a stronger, wiser, more honest and loyal person. People change all the time.

Learned from mistakes
by: Anonymous

I disagree with once a cheater always a cheater. I learned from my mistakes and never want anyone to go through that with me ever again. I wholeheartedly regret it and feel so worthless that I let myself do that.

the truth is.....
by: Anonymous

Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. The truth is there is nothing you can do to erase or repair the trauma and unimaginable pain you, and you alone, inflicted on your spouse and children. They are forever changed because of you. SELFISH AND STUPID is what you are!

Cheated on her for 7 months
by: Anonymous

I found this after being unable to tell the woman I realized I want to spend forever with found out from another that I had made a huge mistake and cheated on her.

I was terrified to tell her and the other person told her before I could.

I regret every choice I had made and am doing everything I can to show how sorry and regretful I am. But nothing feels good enough. I've bought her surprise gifts, but money can't buy love, I know this. I will work my fingers to the bone to show that I am done with the lies and hurting, but it's so hard to show it when I'm unsure how to. All I can do is hope my words one day I mean something to her and she can forgive me.

Joseph
by: Diane

I am so sorry for what you went through. I understand the complete stranger scheming to set up rendezvous and moving in on your territory. Julie H. took up 3 years of my husband's time and in doing so, stole my life. Like you I was devoted to my husband as you were to your wife. I, too, aged at least 20 years and have not recovered from the PTSD. 'She' didn't suffer any consequences. She's probably chasing someone else's husband. Our lives are forever scarred because someone did not care enough to be faithful.

How to forgive?
by: Anonymous

My wife cheated me and she was doing it for the last 2 years. When I found and asked about it, she continued to make excuses, until I showed her the proof that she couldn't deny.

She said sorry so many times, but now she lost my trust. How can I trust her now? I asked her to give me some time to get normal while she remains calm and loving.

There is hardly any talk between us. She tries to remain calm and many time questions me why I can't be normal when she became normal again.

I don't understand why she is not feeling my pain? I still love her a lot, but I want her to acknowledge that she has caused damage, which she is not doing.

Please suggest what to do? I don't want to lose her but at the same time my pain is not allowing me to do anything.

Unfaithful
by: Anonymous

I cheated on my girlfriend because I didn't feel fulfilled. I realize it wasn't her, it was me. I can sit here and speculate why I am cheater but I won't. I realize what I did was wrong and I could say I didn't appreciate her but I do now.

Its so forever...
by: Johnny

She cheated on me in the most horrible way- I was always on my best behavior and always thought that I would be the one that messed things up. I was completely blindsided.

Promises, cherished memories, hopes and desires, covered over as if they were in a dream... There's no remorse, she "had to be sure", "she owes me nothing". Time doesn't heal everything, after twelve years I realize that there will be no apology and "no making it up to me". I stay for the children and wish I could leave.

Its aged me, PTSD isn't just from war. Between reliving it and the nightmares, I constantly realize that we only live once and the loss is so permanent and my dreams of happiness are shattered.

I was a confident, handsome work of perfection; still knowing humility and never stepping over the line into narcissism. I've never been abusive, yet never a docile weakling. Why doesn't she try to patch things up? Really, what do I expect? We went to dinner and afterwards she left me to worry myself sick, while she sneaked out into the bushes of the parking lot with he who is now my nemesis.

A perfect stranger, conspired with my soul mate to steal my hopes, dreams, confidence and soul. Its so difficult to hide the sorrow and despair from my children. My suicide would just mess their poor souls up, so I wait... for my early death. If you cheat on someone who loves you with all of their heart then you are not only thoughtless you are also a fool.

Okay
by: Anonymous

I feel bad he was abusive and cheated on you. It's horrible to go through. I also think using that as an excuse is no different than using a bad childhood as an excuse to murder.

He had no right to cheat and break his vows. He had no right to put hands on you and hurt you.

You had no right to cheat either.

Two wrongs don't make a right. You should be sorry you cheated. Plenty of women AND men have bad marriages, abusive spouses, and still they choose their personal integrity over cheating.

The right path was to simply leave. I hope you realize that and understand that damaging someone, even an abuser, with abuse is just escalating a lack of humanity, and showing a lack of respect for yourself.

Jesus said hate the sin, not the sinner. Your husband's sins became your own the minute you slept with another man. I pray for you to see the wisdom of these thoughts, and let go of what your husband may or may not have done that you use as an excuse, but rather, simply own your own bad behavior, and move forward, with or without him.

Dear Brad
by: Anonymous

Brad... This is the originator of that apology. While I still regret the choices I made, it doesn't excuse him for the year long affair he had while he was deployed in Iraq, with a fellow woman soldier, or him screwing his brother's girlfriends 20 year old daughter, and who knows who else.

Regardless of that, after he found out about the affair he drank more, became verbally, mentally and physically abusive, at times it was even in front of our children.

We went to counseling, but he would get angry when the therapist would confront him about his indiscretions and the way he was treating me. He decided I was the only one who needed counseling to fix us, because he said I was the problem. I continued to go to therapy and after I had enough of hearing what a piece of ---- I was, and how I was a useless whore, I packed up the kids and moved across country to be near my family. I knew if I stayed close by he would stalk and harass me, which he managed to do anyway 1700 miles away. We finalized the divorce a year later.

When I read this letter it reminds me of all the horrible things that happened, and while my apology was sincere, it was also written under a completely submissive and abused state of mind.

Thankfully, he got the help he needed, and has since apologized numerous times about his behavior. We have a cordial relationship for the kids sake.

I hope people have empathy towards both sides of situation, as we never know what's really happening or has happened.

Funny
by: Brad

My wife cheated on me too. At first she blamed me. Then she blamed the poor communication. Then she blamed the stress of turning 40. Then she blamed the demands of children. "It was a mistake," she said finally. But mistakes are made in ignorance. This was a choice. You cheated for six years? How many choices did you make in that time that were absolute betrayals of your husband? If he forgives you, he's a saint. If he takes you back, he's a moron.

Hope
by: Mindy

Glenna,I hope you are able to find your way back in to your husband's heart and keep your family together. We all make mistakes. I hope your husband can move forward with you. Keep the faith and continue to build your life as an honest and caring woman of integrity. Many blessings.

If It Were Me
by: curt

I would take you back, simply by reading that letter, but like you say actions are bigger than words, and the road to recovery is long.

curt

God is with You
by: Diaamore

I hope that you can get your family back... don't give up, just be a better person. Stay pure from inside.

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