Dear Me...

by Myra
(Greece)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not listening to my instincts. I'm sorry for allowing this to happen, for becoming a doormat, for forgiving everything in the name of true love. It was my first true love, the One I had been waiting for, all my life. I was 25 and he was 27. Now I'm 30. I'm sorry it took years to realize what was really going on...

I'm sorry for loving "too much" by never nagging, for accepting the unacceptable, for giving him second, third, fourth, fifth chances...

I'm sorry for trying all on my own, for not expressing my confusion, for swallowing the pain, for hiding it out of fear of losing him. I'm sorry I did not know how to handle things, I'm sorry for not listening to friends. I "knew better", I "knew him--they didn't".

I'm sorry I did not take care of you as I should,
knowing you're a fairytale girl, I did not protect you against them. They were cruel to you and you were afraid so you forgave everything... The mistreatment, the disrespect, the criticism.
Never again, dear self.

It was a huge lesson, an extremely painful one, a hard decision the one I took.

Thank you for being brave enough to walk away and thank you for being strong enough to endure all the emotional abuse without breaking, look how far the lesson got us. ]

I'm sorry I did not respect me enough to walk after the betrayals, yet I expected respect from him and a recognition and appreciation that I was different. He spoke of egos but I was the only one suppressing the ego. Today I am so much wiser.

I'm sorry this still hurts so much, it'll probably hurt for a while but we'll be ok.

I can and I will forgive him in time. But first I need to forgive myself.

And this is my apology.

Comments for Dear Me...

Click here to add your own comments

Live and learn
by: carla

Dear Juan:
You don't deserve her and she can do better. As long as you've learned from your mistakes, it's not all for naught.

To: Juan
by: Myra

Dear Juan,
I don't know what you and your ex went through but I suppose that the fact you realized your mistake is a huge thing and bravo to you for that!
For me that would make all the difference in the world. And if you're asking me if I think it's salvageable? Absolutely, if she's willing to forgive. But know that the relationship will never be the same again...which is not such a bad thing afterall, right?

I cannot tell you if she will want you back or not, it really depends on the person and the circumstances..but if you truly love her and are sure to correct your mistakes (we all make mistakes)it's well worth the shot.

I'd say an honest apology is the best way to go.
Explain to her the best you can and show her you mean it ;)

You'll have to do your best to prove to her every day that you've changed, she'll need to see consistency in your actions so she won't need to be afraid of it all happening again.

I know from my experience, that I walked away only after I'd lost all hope, it was the only thing that helped me move on, the fact that he wouldn't budge. Ever. Or even if he did, it wouldn't last and we would just go back to point zero.

Trust will be a huge issue and it takes time, patience and constant effort from both sides to make it work.

It'll be a long hard road and you need to be careful not to rush anything. Be persistent but gentle with your words. If she doesn't want to talk to you, try again, try another way :)

If she won't pick up the phone, send an e mail. You get the point.

May I ask how long it's been since you broke up?
How long have you been together?
And under what circumstances did you break up?
Do you keep any contact with her? And most of all, have you really examined and worked on the issues that lead to the breakup?

If not, it IS only going to happen again, my friend.
I'm no relationship coach but I'd love to be able to help if I can.

Best of luck to you.
It takes a strong man to admit his faults :)

-Myra

Lost without you
by: Juan

Have a question, You letter seems as if my ex would have wrote it. I am in the shoes of your ex I took my girlfriend for granted always thought she would be there for me. I never cheated but I used to get angry when things didn't go my way and I am very quick to say hurtful things without thinking first.

She gave me second third and fourth chances and now she is gone. She is all i think about and I need her back... she was my better half, what can I do?

I feel like an idiot for not valuing her the way i should have. She wants nothing to do with me.

First off I'm working hard on my attitude trying to calm down and think first. Oh and she didn't like me drinking cause it just made things worse so I'm trying hard to quit.

What could your ex have done to salvage what you all had if anything? This is the only girl I plan on marrying if I don't i refuse to marry anyone else. What can I do?

I love her and didn't truly realize how much until it was too late, is it truly too late? I'm ex military so quit is not in my vocab but I don't want to drive her away either. Please help...

to: Anonymous
by: Myra

Dear Anonymous,

It's never easy, I have moved on and at the same time I'm still where I was when I wrote the letter.

It takes time. But I can assure you, writing your own will liberate you! Even if you still find it hard moving on, know that the realization of the facts and acceptance of our own mistakes towards ourselves(like the ones mentioned in my letter)are the first and most important steps towards healing.

And once you heal you never go back. All the best to you and thank you so much.

Myra :)

Open my eyes
by: Anonymous

Awesome, I hope you are able to move on now. Thank you for opening my eyes and realizing I need to write the same kind of letter to myself. thank you and you will find the RIGHT one!!

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Your Apology Pages.