Dear Heidi

by Kaiden
(Michigan)

My dearest Heidi (Hau Yau)... I've apologized in pages and utter sincerity for all the pain that I have caused you. But I will do it a thousand times more to maybe get your forgiveness for the wrongs I committed and did to you. Although the past is the past, and everything that has happened cannot be undone, I truly hope that from this point on that you get the appreciation and love you deserve.

Whether from me as a lover, or as a friend, you being in my life is all that I could ever ask for, and I was a fool to let such a relationship fade away.

All the love you've given, the care, the advice, it surely will not be forgotten. Almost four years... of fights, love, and amazing moments that I can't deny, nor can I say that you aren't a part of me. You are my best friend and all that I could ever hope for in a woman.

It may be too late, and I can honestly say I don't deserve your forgiveness at this time, but I really would like to have you back in my life.

The heart that was once mine, is no longer mine.

I did not value it enough, and I wish that I could have. The book, the long letter you've received, it may not be good enough to express how much I feel about you.

I promised before to never hurt you, to listen to you, to be there for you.

Looking back, I have not always done that.

We all wish that we could go back in time at some point for whatever reason. Call me selfish, but I wish I could go back in time and fix my wrongs.

There were many things I had taken for granted, and you were one of them. From my job, to school, to you, I thought I lived the perfect life as it all started to fall apart.

I only wish the best for you, and you deserve nothing but the best for all that you've done

I cannot be upset if I never get the chance to hold you in my arms again, but I do wish I could, one last time as a goodbye.

We have been apart for months physically, but our spiritual love was more important and I did not tend to that enough.

I look at the stars, wishing that actual wishes could be made from them to show you that you are the light of my life. But your heart is yours and it will guide you wherever it feels it should land.

I never said it enough, but I appreciate all the memories we share - both good and bad. We've worked through any and everything, but I wish I saw how much you suffered during those times.

You are appreciated, you are loved. Even though I do not have you, and probably never will as a lover, I will always be grateful for you being an amazing person.

Love reincarnates, and we both may be hurting. So if this is our last stop in our story of Kaiden & Heidi S., do not cry for long, do not feel pain, do not worry.

Love will find its way back to you, and when it does, you will continue to blossom.

Until then, continue to value yourself, continue to see the amazing person in yourself that I did not help you see .

Please forgive me for all I've done wrong to you, and I hope that you can at least cherish the good moments we had, wherever they may be in your heart.

As time goes on, hopefully there will be new light shining upon our newly rebuilt relationship, wherever it may stand.

I love you,

Kaiden