Cheated on Him While Pregnant

(San Diego)

I cheated on him by flirting with another man. He caught me because that guy was one of his friends and he let him borrow his phone to use and he was logged in to Facebook and saw the messages I sent him. He hit me twice before he stopped, he started yelling at me. I was scared, and I didn't know whether to tell him the truth or deny it... but I thought how can I deny something when he had all the evidence in his hands.

I told him the truth and he broke up with me. I couldn't cry I felt so guilty. But I wasn't hurting at that time until the next day when he decided to get all his clothes out and leave us... Well just me, and then he told his kids that he was going to come get them on the weekend...

I realized that I had lost the most important person in my life... He was the only one who was there with me through thick and thin... He was there when my parents resented me for being pregnant at a young age... and he was there every time something bad happened in my family and I was never there for him when his uncles died...I just didn't know what to say to him... I didn't even tell him that everything was okay... I never told him anything that comforted him.

I cheated on him while I was pregnant and he just doesn't want to rub my belly or talk to our son because he thinks someone else is the father but I know he is the one.

I told him if he wanted to make sure he could take a DNA test... and he said he was going to test all of our kids because he doesn't trust me. He says that what if these kids are not his and he's been doing someone elses job? That really hurt me so bad.

I thought of aborting this baby but I just couldn't because it isn't his fault. It was all my fault... he doesn't deserve this but I ruined our family and now I am paying for it.

Every time I see him, I feel like crying. Every time he goes to work or I don't know were he is, I feel like he's going to cheat on me and get me back for what I did to him. I feel so angry at myself and I don't know how to fix it.

He forgave me, we're together but I can't be happy knowing I hurt him badly... Every time we watch Jerry Springer or cheating shows and DNA test shows, I walk away and start crying because I feel like he just wants me to hurt because of what I've done to him... how can I fix it???

I've been praying but it hurts so bad....and he already told all our friends that I cheated on him and its sad because now I feel embarrassed and disappointed because I never thought it was going to get this far.

Dear Victor,

I am sorry I cheated on you. I know that you never expected this from me but I did it because everything in our relationship was going bad. You didn't have a job, you weren't helping me with our kids, and you couldn't even keep me happy.

All I felt was stress when I was around you and I just wanted to feel loved and I was pregnant, but we didn't even know after the incident that you caught me.

All I can say is I am sorry, and even though you did forgive me I am the one who still feels upset because you can't even touch my belly or talk to our new baby like you did with our other kids.

I am the one who is afraid that you might cheat on me to get me back, our relationship will never be the same...we have trust issues and it hurts me so bad because I was the one who ruined our happy family even though I wasn't happy.