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Apology to my Husband

by Natalie
(Georgia)

I regretfully, cheated on my husband and I feel so incredibly bad about it. I want to put our family (we have two little ones) back together. I have written this letter to him. Please let me know what you all think. Do you think it will work? Here the letter I intend to give him:


Both of us know what I did, so I would rather not have to say what I am apologizing for. I am embarrassed and ashamed to say it, however if it helps you heal for me to actually say the words of what I did and then apologize I will do it for you.

What I did to you and our family was beyond heartbreaking. I have hurt all of us. I take full responsibility for hurting our family and breaking us up.

I was feeling hurt in our marriage and I was stupid and weak. I never thought that me of all people could do what I did.

Remember the night when you and I laid in bed talking about people in our life, and you asked me "out of such and such couple which one do you think would be capable of cheating on there spouse."

Well if you had asked me about between you and I, I would have said "neither one of us would ever do such a thing." Yeah I felt jealous of you talking to girls sometimes but I would never think you would ever cheat one me, and I am sure you thought the same about me.

I am so regretful of so many things that I did wrong. I am so sorry. Can I please have your forgiveness?

In the beginning when all this started you were close to forgiving me, please find it in your heart to show me mercy and forgive me. I have changed so much in the last 9 months.

Remember when I use to say "I can't wait to turn 30 because then maybe I will feel grown up." Well I still like the thought of 30 for some reason, but not because I want to feel grown up, because my thinking has grown so much. Obviously I will continue learning and growing as I get older, but this has sent me into a major reality check.

I can tell you for a fact that this would never happen in my life ever again. It's the dumbest thing anyone could ever do, when they think they are not happy. Because the hurt of breaking your spouses heart and your own is so much more unhappy.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you a hundred times a day. My love for you has just gotten unbelievably stronger. I love you Oscar. And I am so sorry for hurting you. If I could write a poem like you did for me when I had Isabella then I would but I am not talented like you in that department, so all I can do is pour my heart out to you with apologies.

In my heart I will be your wife forever,
Natalie

Comments for Apology to my Husband

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Forgiveness
by: StrongOne

I am a husband and have never cheated. I was married two times before to cheaters. If your husband is like me then you're out of luck as it should. Forget the letter. You get what you deserve. You should have thought before you cheated. You're selfish and self-centered. Give the kids to him since he did not cheat you did. They need the right values which you do not have.
Never
by: Anonymous

I myself would never forgive. If the vows meant so little then why would that change.
Still struggling
by: Anonymous

My wife cheated on me and I found out 10 months ago. I realized then. How much I love her and never considered leaving her.

Recently, however, my thoughts have become so intrusive that I no longer sleep, maybe I average 2-1/2 hours per night. I have become very depressed and started on meds to help fight depression.

I’m beginning to feel like I’ll never get over this but I can’t imagine not being with her.

I feel like I have been such a letdown to her that maybe she deserves to be with someone fun that she can enjoy life with. If we split up now, there’d be a dozen guys waiting to ask her out. I on the other hand feel like I will be lost forever.

I don’t see a future with a partner unless it’s her. I’ve never been anything but loyal to her and did anything she asked.

Excitement was lost for a while and another man knew it and knew exactly what to say and do to woo her over.

When I found out and we talked the first words out of her mouth were "I don’t want to be with him, I want to be with you".

I believe her but the trust is lost, I don’t know what to believe is true anymore.

I feel like I meant nothing to her now, and I’m becoming exhausted doing all the work to recover this marriage.

I don’t know if her shame is keeping her closed and unwilling to help with this or if she really just doesn’t care.

If anyone reading this is considering cheating but hasn’t yet, please don’t.

Either talk to your significant other and explain exactly what you are feeling or file for divorce first then move on.

If you just open up with complete honesty you may be surprised by the efforts your spouse will go to correct any problems you are both experiencing.
Apology to my Husband
by: Anonymous

I have had this happen to me. Once you cross this line it is over. I gave her a 2nd chance and she did it again.

The problem you have as a cheater and adulterer is a spiritual one. Until this is fixed you will do it again and again.
Cheaters beware
by: J.G.

I found out my wife was seen riding around in a car with another man one day about 3 years ago, I didn't think much about it to be honest because I trusted her 100 percent.

My wife would sometimes help people out with rides back and forth to work and stuff like that ever once in a while.

A while later I had a sleepless night and I woke up and my wife's phone was open and she was asleep, so I went to put it away when I saw her texts were open and there it was she had been texting her lover and it was pretty graphic and gruesome to read.

I was in total shock, I thought it was a prank at first.

I woke her up and asked her about it she denied it at first but within a few moments she started crying and told me she was sorry, that it was an accident, she loved me and wanted to be with me and blab, blab,blab...

My wife and I are still together but things have never been the same, since before it happened.

I don't trust her and I'm mean at times to her, I feel bad later but I just get so mad and anger comes from out of nowhere and it's really intense.

It really sucks because I hate myself for doing it. I just get caught up in the moment. I tell her I'm sorry but she knows why and feels guilty.

What I would like to say to anyone who might think cheating is not that bad you're very ignorant.

When a person cheats they are hurting the person they love and that pain they feel is terrible and constant. It takes years to over come it.

The emotional and mental damage caused be a cheater can be so severe it can change the victims behavior and way of life sending them into a depression so bad they will spiral out of control.

If you cheat on someone no matter what the reason or circumstances, please realize your partner will hate you, not because you cheated but because how you ruined their life.
Restoration
by: Unknown

Each husband has his own character and personality. It depends on how your husband having his own character and mind would take it.

My wife and I have been married for 36 years and we hang out with people who have been married for 8, 10, 18, 20, 23 etc. even up to 40 or more years. As far as I know, not one of us ever cheated on his/her spouse.

Not because we don't have problems cause all of us have. I think it's vital to choose who you hang out with to stay faithful.

Our wives would only confide to other wives, never to men. That's a no-no to us. Best friends are of the same sex. You won't see us having so called "harmless" exclusive chats or dates with the opposite sex. And of course, more than all that, we have a personal relationship with Jesus. As a result we could never be happier.

I mentioned this because you can't just promise that you won't do it again. Before you did what you did, you were sure that you wouldn't do it. If you are faced with such temptation, you would find it hard to resist and chances are you'd find yourself doing the same thing that you promised you would not do anymore. God and your faithful friends can help you resist it.

On the part of your husband, it won't be easy for him to trust you again. As many here mentioned, what you did just keeps on playing in his mind like a non-stop video and in great detail at that. It might cause him to act weird.

Sometimes he would yell at you, or act as if you're not there, sometimes he may try to be sweet but it just won't last. You may see him cry when he's alone or act as if his mind is somewhere else.

He might always bring it up often. His mind is so tormented thinking you have given your whole body to someone else.

You have to give him time and it would need a lot of prayer and faith on your part.

Even if he chooses to cheat on you, don't retaliate by doing it again. He might just be doing this to get back at you.

I pray that you will be able to bear the pain of the process of his emotional healing. Bear in mind that restoration may come when you know and embrace the inevitable circumstance that it's now your turn to suffer and suffer along with him.

Anyway, it was you who put both of you through this. Praying that he would stay and that your relationship may be restored.
Betrayal
by: Anonymous

You should remember this, I am 64, and the pain that you caused your husband will always be there even if it seems all is well again, betrayal is the worst pain.

I for one would not stay with you, I would forgive but I would never ever trust you again and you will have a difficult time winning any trust from him again, trust me on this one.

Just because someone as your husband forgiving you does not mean he should stay married to you.

Now this being said, your children will find out someday and your children will still love you but they will be upset and blame you for breaking up your family, the children will blame you not your husband. This happens way too much in today's world. The children are the innocent ones but suffer because of their mother.
Betrayed
by: Anonymous

I went through a divorce due to my wife having an affair with another woman and believe you me it was so destructive and that was 22 yrs ago.

You can forgive but never forget. She was doing this as we were engaged and through different times during our 16 yrs of marriage. I still feel the pain 22 yrs later and yes children are the innocent victims of such betrayal.
Just leave
by: Anonymous

Once you cheat it's over. being a guy I will tell you that men keep seeing the visual forever, it never goes away.

He might say he forgives you but he doesn't he just realizes that his life will be ruined if he stays or goes. Staying will be a loveless marriage on his part and leaving will be a tremendous financial burden for the average middle income man.

If he left he would be paying child support and possibly more and you will have the house you both shared and perhaps a new relationship with another man, where he won't have enough funds to start a new relationship himself.

He will always be strapped for money so if you think he forgives you and is staying because he loves you you're probably wrong.

He is staying with you to basically survive, that is the consequence he gets for you cheating. Especially if young children are involved for he will be paying for years so if you still love him you have basically ruined everyone's life.

Except that you will most likely meet someone and as long as he doesn't move in with you, your life will be pretty good.

So take your apologies and put them where the sun don't shine. Just being honest even with counseling the man will always deep down feel this way.
God restores if sought out
by: Anonymous

I have been through it all and hurt to the core. Honestly, I love my wife very much. For me it's hard to stop loving someone cause they have done something that hurts.

I would say I feel unconditional love for my wife. However her affair has turned our family inside out and the collateral damage extends deep.

We have three kids and our oldest daughter has been hurt the most from this affair. She has had birthdays, Xmas and every holiday in between destroyed and I feel so bad that her precious childhood memories are forever lost.

Things were going so good for us, good job nice house Hawaii vacations rv trips, endless hugs, presents under the tree, children smiling playing and then bam, she threw it in the gutter and didn't give a f*ck about our unit and daughter just getting rattled to her core.

I found god during this diatoms and I am grateful for this. I am a firm believer now and trust that god just puts everything in my life to bring him glory.

I love my wife and family more than anything and will continue to seek god and not pray for me to change but pray to god to change her mind to want to be good to her kids husband and family and not just pretend she is.

I don't think it's up to the husband or wife to make things better, it's up to god and the husband and wife to seek god with all their heart so our kids can experience a life of victory without hurt or resentment, and learn gods forgiveness that he gave His only son for our sins. God bless you and your families.....
Marriage and Husbands
by: Anonymous

This is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. To see that we are not alone in our lives and that we share common experiences with others.

I never believed others would have the same feelings, would have acted out the same sins, would feel the same way.

After 4 long years, therapy and many other miracles my marriage is restored. It's an ongoing battle that will constantly need my attention and nurturing but there is hope... and always remember you are not alone. I am at a loss for words to show my appreciation to my husband and God.

Blessings to all...
Love back
by: Anonymous

My husband returned home a few weeks ago. We are currently going to counseling, praying and reading devotionals together and assisting at church. Only God knows what lies ahead for us but we will continue to work at it and do our best.
Truth
by: Anonymous

You do need to say exactly what you did. You must face the pain you caused and see what he must see every day for the rest of his life.

This the reality that all who cheat must face and it is why, it is usually better to leave and start again and allow the hurt party freedom.

There is away to make it right, you have some elements in your letter, but this is the truth.

You destroyed a family....cared more about your selfish pleasure than your kids and the man who loved you. It will damage their sense of trust and relationship even if they never know and the reactions they see and relationship that you model for them is forever flawed...causing them to mirror and mimic a flawed relationship...which will affect their lives.

You broke a vow made before god and family, a sacred oath. You can never be fully trusted again,taking away his only true confidant and his best friend, his cheerleader, his partner, his counselor, his own soul. You destroyed his ability to trust anyone.

You emasculated him. Made it 100 percent clear that he cannot satisfy his wife and is not a good lover. You showed the other man that your man means nothing to you and that he is too weak to satisfy you and that you don't care about him and are willing to lose him.

You disrespected him in the worse way and took the gift you swore was his and gave it away for nothing. You cannot love one you do not respect and if you respected him, you would keep your promise to him.

You would address your issues with him or a counselor instead of lying and cheating and betraying. You did not love him, you put him away and turned you back to him.

Think how he feels knowing his wife cared so little of him. It affects him as a man, person, father, worker.

He can't rationalize being the man who is so proud to have you when he doesn't. You belong now to another. He is not, was not and will never be who he thought he was again.

Now imagine a man who loves someone but has to realize the one he loved is not real.

She allowed another man to put himself in her body until he spilled his juices inside of her body in the private spot reserved for him.

You shared that deep intimacy with another, rubbed your naked body and sweat and grunted and screamed like an animal with another..KNOWING it was wrong, that it would hurt him and your family and not caring one but.

Your relationship becomes forever contaminated, the bond forever broken.

The formula forever changed and tainted with the body parts and smells and hairs and lips and saliva of another man. It's disgusting.

To him, you are now disgusting, and he feels horrible because he STILL loves, wants and needs you knowing that but being with you makes him weak.

He will never not see the hands and mouth and tangled body parts and he will never feel special when you are again intimate because he knows you did it with someone else.

Even if you reconcile and are happy for 20 years or he remarries, his worst fears as a man will forever scar him and tell him that he is not enough.

He will never be free of this. Movies, songs, names, subject matters, situations, smells, time frames, pictures, words, experiences, boredom, life will remind him of it often and at random times and it brings with it the pain.

It will affect how he sees, relates to, thinks about you and you will think less of him because of how he reacted to what you did.

Every time you are late, every thing that doesn't add up, every guy you know, he will wonder if you cheated with him.

He will look back at your courtship and wonder who you slept with then, who you lied about before he knew you.

Everything is now possible and fair game.

You did a terrible thing. If, he loved you he is broken in every capacity and can't escape.

If you understand all that (There is much more than that...it is complex and woven into the fabric of a man) but this is a good sample of what you have done.

If you can show him that you understand and have remorse for this and can and will make amends. And, that you will do whatever it takes to rebuild a new trust in a new relationship with him since you have destroyed for all time the one you had, along with the following...

Being where you say you are, never ever lying, always putting him first, answering all his questions, listening, being patient, setting realistic boundaries together.

Showing him you love him and only him in HIS language the way he wants to be loved, forsaking all others, dedicating your life to him for at least the same time you stole away his wife from him.

Looking for and finding the good things about him. Working out what is important to HIM and addressing your faults before working together on his.

Focusing on building a close loving trusting relationship, friendship and then perhaps a marriage over sustained periods of time... then habitually, maybe then, you can make a new marriage and family work.

You asked is your letter okay...no, it is not.

That you are willing to talk about it is good, but he shouldn't have to ask.

Study how to rebuild trust after cheating, study how to apologize correctly and then approach him with your apology.

Write about what happened to him and what you have done to address it and that whatever he needs you will give everything you have to do meet those needs.

All this because you love him, you are committed to him and this will never happen again. You don't want to lose him. He is the only one for you for the rest of your life (Because, we all know he is not the only one for you up to this point. No,it never goes away).

Lastly, God will forgive you and wash you clean as if it never happened.

He will expect you to love as he loves, unconditionally. He will expect you to receive and share that love, drawing strength from it when your husband is unable to bear the weight of what you did or even if he is being selfish or imperfect.

This will be contagious and your husband may, after awhile feel grateful again for you and the joy and love you bring him now and the children and life you share.

It happens. It is possible. But he cannot be grateful for you now. He is thinking he should have cheated and partied and done whatever he wanted as loving you did not matter enough to keep you faithful.

The intelligent route is to apologize sincerely and walk away and try to be kind to him when you must see each other and leave him alone and suck it up for now. You did this.

How are you going to love him enough to get through this difficult struggle when you didn't love him enough to keep the basic simple vow?

If you think you love him enough, send him a new letter and show him by having done some things proactively and give it your best.

I wish you luck--from someone who's been there.

Hindsight is 20/20
by: Anonymous

You seem very remorseful and willing to do whatever is needed to get your husband back.

This may or may not be enough.

Every man has different tolerance levels when it comes to cheating. For many once you cross that line their is no coming back.

The disrespect the images of you and your lover burned in your husbands head. These are tough things to get passed and why many men end the relationship with a divorce. Why stay together if you're going to be miserable.

This is why you need to think long and hard before you make that fateful choice. Doing so just may alter the course of your life and the ones you supposedly love forever.

You made your choice now it's your husbands turn to make his.
Damage already done
by: Anonymous

I love this site.

Cheating is a choice not a mistake. Women always find excuses on why they cheated. It won't matter anymore.

You made your choice, live with it. Don't come back asking for forgiveness on a choice you thought was the best.

Women are the precious vessel that contains marriage, if that vessel can't hold the contents then its useless having it.

Once you cheat, it will be a little too late to say sorry, the damage is already done.

Live with the memories of the good husband you cheated on. Don't waste his time wanting to come back.

Trust between husband and wife must never be broken. It is an essential tool that builds stronger love.
I wish, I pray...
by: John A., Jr.

I wish and pray that my wife would turn and come back and admit and ask for forgiveness. Id run to her in a heartbeat and hold her so tight and never let go. I hope everything works out for you. Id give anything, ANYTHING, just to.....idk. Good luck.
Garden Tending
by: Anonymous

You should know he has cheated on you. Reread the beginning of what you wrote, and you will see it.

Everyone makes mistakes that jeopardizes a marriage. The question is whether forgiveness may be given and accepted.

Then work must be done to strengthen your bond to ensure it can never be broken. Think of your marriage as a garden. Gardens need constant attention to thrive. So does a marriage. I wish you all the best.
Every one deserves a second chance
by: Anonymous

If you were my wife I would forgive you. Mine just left me three months ago. I know if you were my wife I would tell you that all you have to do is come home and we will take it from there.
One does hurt more than the other
by: Anonymous

I've been on the receiving end and I've cheated, once. In my defense my husband was on prescription methadone and too damn high to realize anything that was going on.

He moved to another city and refused to come home except when he wanted to pick up his prescription. He was emotionally and physically abusive. He repeatedly called me a c**t and a b*tch. Told me that he was going to be with other women.

I told him I wanted a divorce. I told him that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He hung up on me and refused to hold long conversations with me... I snapped. I had a one night stand. At least that man didn't call me fat and call me names. He made me feel special, for one day.

That triggered a whole bag of memories. I suddenly remembered all of the good times with my husband that had gotten lost in all the mess between us. While I do not condone at all what I did, there is no doubt in my mind that for some people this act is necessary to determine where you both stand.

If the issues continue, then you both really aren't in it for the long haul and it needs to end. If the perp shows remorse, don't believe that once a cheater, always a cheater... that's the biggest load of crap ever.

I've been on the receiving end from an ex-husband and it hurt, but only because he wasn't honest from the beginning. I've been the perp and I can say without a doubt that the pain on the giving end of infidelity is far greater than the pain received.

It may be equal when a man and a woman have the same undying love for each other. People who truly love each other tend to do some really stupid things to each other, almost as a way to test their loyalty. Don't ask me why, I'm not God, nor am I cupid.

If my husband left me because of what I did, I am certain that I would die of a broken heart. I would never move on. I've had enough relationships to know that I messed up a good thing and I don't ever want to feel this way ever again.

People that say hateful things on here are ridiculous. You have no idea what was going on in the marriages to say those things. Some people could have been suicidal. Their spouses could have been stuck in a rut that without infidelity would have never changed. No excuses for stupid behavior like cheating... but for someone to come out and say, I screwed up, I cheated. That person has kahunas! Period.
No way
by: Cynthia

I am appalled that you feel you can sweep your disgraceful actions away and write a letter and expect your husband to just accept everything. No, in fairness you deserve no pity. Where was all this love for husband when you willingly undressed in front of another man?
Unbelievable
by: Anonymous

Really? Is this a joke? You play, you pay. I love these sites where the wife cheats, and wants everything back to normal. You deserve to live on the streets.
Flowery language ain't gonna fix it
by: Anonymous

Do NOT forgive a cheating spouse. Do NOT take them back. They are like food gone bad. Be my guest if you want to take a bite.

Start a new pure life - it is worth it. In the process the hurt will go away and you will be able to laugh at what happened to you in the past.

Do the right thing, be proud of kicking them to the curb. Life will be beautiful again.
Sorry
by: Luyolo Daniel Duma

We all make mistakes but cheating I would never take as a mistake. Cheating is a choice but only after you've done it, is when you see that you were wrong.
Can I be forgiven
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 16 yrs to a wonderful man. For the last couple of years, I have been chatting with an old flame. It never went farther than that, as I constantly told the guy I wouldn't cheat.

He would send me pics, but I could not and would not. I should've told him to stop, but I think I liked the attention.

My husband found the messages and is furious. He says he can't forgive me. And to make matters worse, we are expecting our 4th child, and he doubts the paternity.. I will do anything to make this better. Am I deserving of any forgiveness?
Cheaters
by: Anonymous

Male or female if you have cheated and been caught, if you can work it out & stay together, fine. But if you think you will EVER be trusted again, you are very mistaken.
I would be happy with just an I'm sorry
by: Anonymous

My wife cheated on me last year. She still won't apologize even though I apologized for being the way I was being. Now I feel like revenge but I won't ever do that because two wrongs do not make a right.

I would have been happy if she just apologized to me. If she did it how you did in this letter I would feel a whole lot better about our relationship and be able to move on finally and get back to the rest of our lives.
re: I totally understand
by: mycyclefreeATgmail

To: I totally understand. Anonymous. I don't know what it is about what you wrote, but I feel as though we have the same story (in turn similar life) I only stumbled on this site before starting to write an apology letter to my husband. I'd love to chat with you. I'm from mass.
Thank You
by: Anonymous

We're a group of volunteers and starting a new self-help project in our community. Your website has provided us with valuable information for dealing with some of our clients in their relationships. You've done a formidable job and our entire community will be thankful to you.
Doesn't make it better.
by: Anonymous

I married my high school sweetheart. He cheated on me in the beginning. I call it cheating. I found texts from a girl he once proposed we should have a threesome with. Saying "I miss you boo" etc.

Then I found out I was pregnant. I stayed with him. Had a second baby boy who died at 2 months SIDS. Was pregnant with third child when I caught him staying up late and sexting another female he met at work...again. I stayed. But I wondered when it's going to happen again.

Then I cheated. I told him. I feel like sh*t. Don't ever do it. Two wrongs don't make a right. Humans make mistakes. But ...we've been married 7 years. He says he still loves me. It seems like a double standard...and it is.

Men can cheat and society says he is a man. Women who cheat are wh*res and it feels unforgivable. This letter barely illustrates the pain that words cannot describe. That's all.
Positive Beginning
by: Keith

Natalie,

I give you a lot of credit because at least you are accepting responsibility for your actions; which is more than my ex-wife did when she left my kids and I. I agree that what you did was beneath contempt, truly repugnant, and abhorrent at a minimum, but it takes a lot of strength to admit fault, and you have that strength, so I applaud your honesty. Your husband needs time to heal. It may take some time, but give it to him. Again, my ex never acknowledged, or apologized for anything, so the apology is a positive beginning.

Keith
Washington
To the love of my life
by: Anonymous

I know my apology will never fix the damage I have done but I can promise nothing like that will ever happen again, and that I swear on all of our lives. I wish you could forgive me and that we could continue to move forward together but I will understand if that's too much too ask of you. I truly do love you with all my heart and soul and have never felt like this about anyone in my entire life and that is something I would bet my life on now and I'm not a gambler, I usually stick with the the safe way and don't bet.
I totally understand
by: Anonymous

This is the short version:
I have been there. After 16 years of marriage to the man I have been with since I was 16 years old. I was not very happy in my marriage. It was stale, we had three kids, and he was pretty selfish.

He always made sure he had time to ride his motor cycle, never came to the kids sports( he said it was boring and a waste of his day) he was becoming very nasty and impatient toward me and the kids. I felt like he resented us. I was tired of this but was afraid to confront him because I was afraid of his reaction.

Then I was reconnected with an old friend from HS. We started chatting on line and it quickly turned into an emotional affair. We met for coffee or lunch a few times, kissed and hugged but it never went farther because we just did not have the time or place to carry it farther. He made me feel special and beautiful.

My husband found out because at the time smart phones were not around and we were on a family share plan with minutes and texts. My texts were over so he decided to investigate. So he found out and began looking at his FB page and found out his wife's name and number and called her. It was a disaster.

We went for therapy but that only lasted 3 months because my husband said we were ganging up on him. He would never admit to being part of the cause. He blamed it all on me.

It took a few years before things were pretty much back to normal. But just recently it happened again with a different man. He was another friend of mine from HS 3 years older than me. He got in touch with me on FB. We started talking in Feb of 2015. At first it was just a friendship, liking posts etc. Then we started to be a little more serious.

He spoke to me about things you don't tell people you just want to sleep with. He seemed so sincere and I really felt he had feelings for me. He lived in NH which is 4 hours away so I never in my wildest dreams thought we would ever see each other. But it turns out he worked for a company that has offices near me and he traveled for business. We met one evening where he was staying. We did not plan to sleep together. We had dinner and a drink. Then it happened. I can not believe it or that I was so calm when I had to go home. I had to play like nothing happened.

Two weeks later he was in town again. We met and neither of us knew this would be the last time we would see each other. He told me he loved me as he kissed me goodbye.

On May 3 my husband took my cell phone at 3 in the morning and found a message from him on a chat app I was using to talk to him. He found pics I had sent him of me, he went through emails. Again my husband called another wife. It is very hard this time around. He is really really devastated that I did this again.

He filed for temporary sole custody of our three children. We are still living at the house as a family. There are good days and there are really bad days. I am disgusted with myself for making him feel this way. I am desperately trying to fix things. I am in therapy because I am realizing that this time it is due to a stale marriage again and because of my own insecurities about myself.

Being 42, I am having a lot of trouble dealing with getting older. Being in touch with this man from my past made me feel young again and exciting. I am working through my issues once a week with a therapist. My husband refuses to seek any kind of counseling to help him deal with his pain.

I have written him letters, poems, I send texts throughout the day checking on him and letting him know I love him so much. He wakes up in the middle of the night because he cant get this out of his head (it has only been 3 weeks). I support him and tell him to wake me up and talk to me. I will do anything to take away the pain I caused.

We have been together for a long time (26 years, married almost 21). Marriage is difficult, but I am willing to work at it, I do not want to throw away all those years.
So now I live under a microscope. He has installed an SMS Tracker app on my cell phone and thinks I don't know about it. So everyday he reads all my texts from family and friends, checks my emails, looks at who called me and who I called. He also can see where I have been during the day because it is connected through GPS in my phone. Prisoners have more freedom than I do right now. But I know I have to just bite the bullet.
Been there
by: Anonymous

I don't know how long ago this letter was posted, but it touched my heart. I cheated on my husband too, but could not dare to ask for forgiveness. I did not feel I deserved forgiveness for what I did.

He forgave me, even though I did not ask for it. He came back to me, and has been very good to me since. He says he realizes its his mistake too that I did this.

I see pain and hurt in his eyes, but he still wants to start over again, he wants to start a new life with me. But I feel so guilty all the time. The fact that he forgave me completely hurts the most. I wish he would treat me badly because I feel I deserve it. I wish I could forgive myself as easily as he did. I know it sounds stupid, but that's how I feel.

I think he does not deserve to be with a person like me. I am depressed and sad all the time. I think its unfair to him. I think I will never be able to make him happy. I cannot even look at him without crying and it hurts him more.

I know people who are having affairs are not thinking straight at the time. But I request them to try to think. Its never ever worth it!
Wow
by: Anonymous

Did I really just read some WOMAN say that cheating causes more pain than to actually be cheated on????? Wow, go wash dishes or get pregnant or something.
Oh please
by: Anonymous

LOL all these cheating women on here. And guys are the a**holes that cheat huh? You guys are dumb is you think that this will make up for you ripping his heart out 10X over. No matter what, even if you get back together. It doesn't change the fact that this happened. Betrayal doesn't just blow over. If i was him you all would just be a mere memory. You committed the unforgivable. You made your bed, now sleep in it.
Cannot forgive
by: benny

I don’t think that anyone would forgive this. A man may cheat but he may not do it knowingly, often while drunk or under the influence of drugs. But when a man or woman do it intentionally, it's unforgivable.
Morals are at stake
by: Anonymous

Okay I married a girl that should have come from a very moral and religious family. From the start her only interest was to attract other men to her. Even when she was pregnant with our first born she would come home from college only to tell about this guy and that guy. Even her friends' husband' were not saved from her constant seeking of attraction.

Finally at the end of 2011 and after 17 years of marriage she had a secret affair. With the testimony of all who know us, family, including all of her family, and everyone, I was the perfect husband. In 2011, I saw great losses financially and law suits. However, I always loved her and gave her everything.

Due to our religion, divorce seeking women are not allowed unless the husband is mentally sick. In 2012, I was to be put through absolute abuse from her on daily bases (physical, psychological, emotional, etc.). It was at the same time of my fighting the injustice of the world and a collapse. She picked the worst time of my life to have a love affair.

Her complaint: I was not taking care of myself and going to the gym, money falls short (not that we don't have anything to eat, just that her Mercedes GL went down to a new MDX Acura, etc.). She went around telling everyone that I'm mentally ill without proof. She convinced her best friend's husband to make a false report about me (he is a physiologist); however four other doctors said I'm perfectly fine just under lot of pressure. He is today facing the California Medical Board investigation (in progress).

After she sought divorce in 2013, I was searching old files and discovered pictures in hotel rooms, my home, etc. of what seems to be infidelity. Along with other information and much proof, I was assured of her affairs. I can't speak to anyone about this, after all she is still the mother of my lovely boys that I love more than life.

I did face her with all of this but she denied everything with a straight face. Shocked and shocked I still stand. I understand Narcissistic disorder, but never understood that it is to this extreme even possible. Anyway, she is still to this day my wife under God only, but not in law. I have no idea how to deal with this.

I mentioned my story to explain the following: Women just make up reasons for cheating. She had the perfect life. A loving husband for (now about 20 years), good life even after the financial hardship, loving family support, good kids, etc. However, she gave it all up for a younger and more handsome guy. Yes, women do that. No excuse. She broke a family and continues running after a stupid love. The question once the honey moon is over and he has to step up and take responsibility for her, will he? will he respect her? I don't know. I hope he will, so I can stop supporting her. I know you think I'm stupid for still taking care of her but she is still the mother of my beloved kids.

A woman who cheats, is making the greatest mistake. Unlike a man, where he usually does it for physical attraction only, she gives her entire self away.
Nice Try
by: Anonymous

Those are only words, and I know you put a lot into that. Actions speak louder than words as I'm sure you've heard. To be quite blunt, I can't speak for you husband, but for me all of it would be falling on deaf ears. Your action in my opinion is unforgivable so I guess it's in his hands now.
4 years after
by: done over

I just had a mud slinging match with my wife and needed to feel a bit justified. I found your letter and followed the comments.

Almost four years have passed since I learned of my wife's infidelity in our then 3 month marriage. It's difficult to remember all the details or the year and a half that followed while she continued the affair via email, text and phone/skype. He was overseas so I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was over and stayed with her, only to end it after 2 years and then find out it was still happening.

Three months apart and she came back telling me it was over and that it was a huge mistake, blah blah blah. I was a shell of a man, drunk and working in a menial job for the first time in my life unable to sort myself out after having be stepped on. I took her back....

It's been up and down, but our once amazing sex life and candor is gone, I bring up the past all the time. I'm going to leave her today.....

One apology is not enough, when he is hurt you need to be aware, you need to stop the fights by taking responsibility for the past, if you have done it once don't be to proud to do it again. I feel for you. I wish my wife could have the same integrity as you.

All the best wishes to you and your partner.

Lots of love,

Done over....
Love Hurts
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 7 years with my first love. We have had a relationship since I was 15. He has always played hard to get, even after we married. He was always concerned with getting drunk and partying even after we had two sons.

He would hurt me deeply and leave for a night or two if I became angry. After our 6 year anniversary, which he totally ignored, my son broke his arm. As a mother I was in complete panic and shock. Instead of coming to the hospital with me and my son he decided he should stay and drink with his friends. I called to tell him my son, 5 years old at the time, had to stay overnight and have surgery. Sitting at the hospital alone with my baby crying uncontrollably changed me.

It was in that moment something changed inside of me. I had enough. I lost all respect for my husband. He repeatedly pushed me away for years and I became numb to our love.

A month later he was a gone for a few weeks working and of course partying while I was home raising our 2 boys. I met a man that gave me the attention I never knew I was missing. He was so respectful, charming, and gave me feelings I never meant to have outside of my marriage. I did my best and ignored those feelings.

My husband came home from work and got extremely mad at me over something stupid and threw all my clothes in my car and told me to leave. I did the unthinkable, I left. I left and called the other man.

I was so upset and angry with my husband that I didn't hide it from him. I told him we were done and I found someone new.

After 3 months of my husband begging me back and being relentless I gave in and got back together with him. He has changed into the man I always wanted him to be. He is the best father and husband now. Even though he says he forgave me, sometimes when I'm alone I become incredibly depressed and hurt over what I've done. I hate myself for it.

I've done something I can be never undo and I'm afraid I'll pay for it, for the rest of my life.

Never cheat. No matter what. Please, I'm begging you. It's not worth the damage it does to you or your spouse.
RE: Forgiveness
by: Anonymous

Natalie, you said that at the beginning he was close to forgiving you. What did you do that made him draw away from that?

If you feel the need to beg for mercy after that, I can only deduce that you have exhausted his final store of patience. If a man was close to forgiving you, and now you are asking for his mercy and understanding, something must have made him harden his stance.

I'm not sure what you did, but best of luck anyway,and I really hope you are sincere about this. Some of the harpies who leave their husbands for 'better' men are actually sociopaths, if you look closely enough (they exhibit a clear lack of remorse, empathy, and self-imposed morals). I trust you are not one of them.
Too Little Too Late
by: Anonymous

The comment title I used says it all. Your words fall on deaf ears. If he buys that load he's a FOOL pure and simple!
It doesn't matter to many of us "Betrayed Husbands"
by: Anonymous

Sorry, not sorry - who cares?

My wife cheated and has never shown me much remorse. She says she is sorry but I don't believe her. I think she's only sorry I ever found out and that I have not "gotten over it".

I have stayed with her because I am a coward. I thought I was being honorable staying to raise my family but it was just a cover-up for my fear of being alone; of starting my life over. I hate her for what she did and there is nothing that can repair the damage she has done.

Now that our kids are grown and we are getting into our "golden years" I am going to divorce her. I am not going to die feeling like half a man because I accepted a cheater back into my life.
Let Go
by: Anonymous

I have read many comments on this site and my heart goes out to both the innocent victims, and the guilty cheaters. Why would my heart go out to the guilty cheaters? Simple. They have have come to the realization of what they had, but it is too late to do anything about it.

My marriage of twenty years ended last year when my wife decided that she simply didn't love me and moved in with another man. My son and daughter were both devastated, as was I. For the sake of brevity I will say to all who have hurt or been hurt to simply let it go. You can't change what you did. All of the apologies in the world will not erase the pain that you caused.

The person you hurt will eventually heal on their own over time; possibly a long time. When they are healed, they will never look at you the same. They will never trust you the same. They will never love or make love to you the same. The best thing to do is to ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself and move on.

For the victims I will say the same thing; move on. Don't waste another day mourning over the loss of someone who has shown you how they really feel about you. Will you ever trust them, love them, or respect them like you used to? No. The pain that they caused you will always be in the back of your mind. Forgiveness is great, but the residual damage is irreparable. Move on with your life and let go. The only person that you are hurting is yourself. The person that hurt you may or may not feel remorse, but what difference does it make? A thousand apologies from them will not erase the pain, only time will.

I may be wrong about this, but I went through the same thing just last year, and that is what I did.
In response-A different view
by: Anonymous

To all you judgmental rigid in your thinking folks here, then let me say this! Of course cheating causes upheaval and sorrow and breaks up families but in spite of this the fact remains that as imperfect human beings, it is in our nature to err and no one person can ever be solely responsible for the happiness of another regardless of any vows or promises made at the alter as it were. Before you all cry your protests just look at the statistical facts my self righteous friends and see for yourselves how the facts make a mockery of all of your indignations.

I myself have been married for 22years and have not strayed even with good opportunity but that's not to say that I haven't been tempted. Bottom line here is that sometimes a marriage isn't meant to last and cheating becomes the catalyst in the breakup.

To the person posting the question I say. Forgive yourself my friend and restore your worth. You feel you made a mistake? Hope your husband can forgive you and accept it, if he can't do forgive yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and as a human being no more or less flawed than the judgmental folks on this forum.
No
by: cozza

You did this to your husband. What did he do to you? You should be ashamed of yourself. If I was him I would file for divorce and child custody. Just to watch you suffer like he did. Karma is so harsh. Isn't it?
My hurt and pain became my blessing
by: Annoyance

My husband was having a long affair with his employee that his mother, brothers, and children were willing to assist him with by covering for him. Employees would catch them on top of his desk in his office at Publix grocery store.

He told so many lies, but I hired an attorney and a private investigator and the judge awarded me the divorce based on abandonment and adultery.

I am very happy now, because I am no longer married to a con man nor have to deal with a narcissist. He has married her, but every time he sees my family he wants to talk, tell them how my family treated him so good, he wants my family to hug him, and he just repeats over and over that he doesn't want there to be any hard feelings.

I am so over him and I hope he is enjoying his freedom, because that is why he wanted a divorce from me. Family and friends have mention how bad he looks and appears not to have had any rest for a long time. I went to counseling and now I am growing in God, traveling, and enjoying peace in my home.

His new wife has four almost grown children that love to fight, his wife drinks, smokes, gambles and fights; and he has told me these are the qualities he hates for a woman to have. What a double minded man. He told the judge in court that he never loved me and the only reason he married me was that he was in a lot of debt with the IRS. And he left me when the debt was paid off.

We were married for 10 years, but he and this woman were friends for 15 yrs. He was married about 25 years to his first wife. He was cheating on her with this woman as well. My advice to everyone is to find a good counselor to help you figure out things.

If you want your spouse or partner to forgive continue to show them the love you have for them and be gentle and patient.

Smile and pray
Heart broken
by: Lyndsey

I'm in the same situation right now.

I've been with my husband for 19 years and we have two children under 8.It's been 3 months now since my husband found out what I did. I'm living at home and we are having couples therapy. I am having individual therapy as well.

I had a short term affair with a work colleague which I deeply regret now. At the time things were not good at home. My husband was going through a breakdown and I have been going through a midlife crisis. These things have only come to light since I was found out. We have done a great deal of soul searching and talking since, to work out where it went wrong.

Our relationship was so tight and intense previous to us having children it seems the void started to appear when they came along without us even noticing.

There's not a minute that goes by that I am not deeply sorry for what I have done to my best friend and children who are now being affected by my pure selfishness. I look into my husbands eyes and the pain he is going through is horrendous. Because of me.

I know that he still loves me but that unconditional love, the innocent love that we always had has gone and can never be replaced. The guilt and shame I feel at destroying the best thing in my life I cannot comprehend. I know that if we cannot make it I will never be truly happy again. He is my one true love and I am his.

I am disgusted that I went outside of my marriage rather than deal with the problems in front of me.

Anyway the letter you have written is from the heart. I have written my husband many letters lately it's the only way to let him hear my thoughts without an argument taking over.

Good luck. Be positive. I'm trying to be - though it's heart braking dealing with the cards I chose to deal.
You can rebuild
by: Anonymous

Our marriage is stronger than the first five years, now 17 years later, 5 kids, we are better than we started. No secrets, full trust, both stronger, loving and completely one.

Imagine if no one ever forgave anyone. Ugh. Keep strong!
It's never the same...
by: Anonymous

Hello. My wife of then 15 years cheated on me for over a month. The last time they were together was 2 days before our 15th wedding anniversary. I found out the day before our anniversary.

We have 5 children and my 3rd oldest saw them hugging goodbye from work one night. I had that gut feeling that she was having an affair. The day I found out I asked my daughter if she had ever seen her mother talking to a man at work when my daughter was there. Thats' when she told me she saw them hug. When I asked my wife she lied and that's when I knew.

She finally came clean and told me about the affair. She quit her job and cried for months. I know she is truly sorry for cheating and I have forgiven her. It's been almost 3 years and we are still together but I have never felt or looked at her the same way again. I mean how can you?

I don't bring it up anymore and treat her well. I love her but like I said don't look at her as that same innocent soulmate of mine. Bottom line is you guys can make it but it will never ever be the way it was. It's like the purity and innocence of your marriage is gone forever.
Trying to see where you're coming from but I can't...
by: Common Sense

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, no kids. 11 days ago I found out that he kissed a co-worker, whom he claimed to despise. He initiated the kiss. The co-worker is pregnant (not his kid) and has a 2 year old. She's trash, really she is. She's looking for "the fantasy" I suppose. AKA, A man who will take care of her and her children.

My husband and I were trying to have kids. We'd only been trying for 3 months when I found out about his infidelity. I understand it's not sex, but it's still a big betrayal.

I think it would've been better had he told me about it, instead of me finding out through his cell phone. He claims he was going to end all communication with her and had planned on telling me, but I'll never know the truth. They work together and if I spoke my piece to the shank, they would both lose their jobs as the company has a no-fraternizing policy. So not only do I have to deal with the betrayal, but I have to spend 40 hours a week wondering what he's doing at work with her.

My self-confidence and self-worth are being tested. I'm confused about who he really is and if he has done something like this in the past but I never found out? A lot of questions fill your mind, almost to the point of consuming your every thought. You no longer look at your spouse as your partner, but the enemy.

Back to how I found out: Via facebook. He'd made another page and they sent messages back and forth. The message I saw (which will haunt me forever) was something similar to this:

HER: I can't wait to sleep next to you.
HIM: Me too.

I didn't check to see how long they'd been sending messages etc, as I feel it would've damaged me more. He claimed it had only gone on for a week, but I don't buy it. Not with how the conversation was going. Several other people I know were on his friend's list, so they knew what was going on too. All women. And none of them told me about this. So I feel like the worlds biggest fool.

Now I might be pregnant (I'm 11 days late) and just thinking that I could've been pregnant while he was off with this whore...It's screwed me up mentally.

So no, you don't deserve forgiveness. You deserve a swift kick in the ass. You're a fool who looked for the "quick fix" instead of facing the problems right in front of you. If he's a smart man, and I'm gathering he is because he hasn't jumped back into a relationship with you, then he would run for the hills and never look back.

I told my husband I had forgiven him, but only so I could get my affairs in order. (Money etc...) Once I have, his world will be ripped out from under him. He won't have a job and neither will she. Is it mean? Yea. But so is cheating. He didn't think of my feelings when doing the act, so why should I take pity on him?
Feeling lost
by: Anonymous

Hi, glad I found your post in google. Your message is very touching... there's no doubt about your sincerity for asking his forgiveness.

I'm also in this situation now,everything from us is fresh like an oven.. I cheated on my husband,it was all my fault. He is my first ever boyfriend, we've been together for 15 years and have 2 kids.

After I confessed everything to him I saw the pain, hurt in his eyes and it kills me. He said he forgive me but as days go by I can feel that he really changed a lot. He looked at me like a dirty and unworthy person. He said he loved me but every night he tortured me with blame and questions.

To be honest I'm confused.. I know that the pain I caused him will not easily fade but I know that I'm doing my best to prove to him that I regret what I did. I think respect is no longer in his vocabulary. He keeps on shouting at me and keeps on asking "why". I'm now hopeless, I don't want to leave him because he said that I can't leave him right now with the shame and pain I've caused to him.

Sometimes I think I should leave him for what he is doing but every time I see my children my heart cries, they suffered enough from us. We have both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. Yes, he cheated on me before several times but it's not an excuse for me to do it too. God knows I regret every day what I have done .. what should I do .. I'm afraid to lose my family again .
Well...
by: Anonymous

I've been in your husband's shoes. I forgave my wife once, but then it happened twice more. She said a lot of the same things you're saying here. Also blamed my inattention to her. I'm sorry, but you don't punish someone who is busy providing for a family by cheating on them with someone who will say anything you want to hear. I love her and forgive her.

I feel bad, but I don't want to be with my wife anymore. She's saying and doing most of the right things, but I shouldn't have to put up with this kind of behavior. I deserve better. Don't be surprised if your husband feels the same way. He's going to need a lot of space. Do not smother him.
Thinking of cheating?
by: james b

My wife slept with a man who she knew little about -- turned out he was a felon drug dealer. 21 years and 5 kids together all I can do to deal with my pain is to think about opting out of life it self. Then I realized I have 4 kids left to raise and push through my misery, I know I am only a fraction of a father to them because I deal with the pain daily. Please say a prayer for them and myself for I know I can't do this forever, I know when they are all out of the house I won't go on with this pain. I hope people that cheat realize how much this hurts the person and kids who love you, if only one person stops to think about what this will cause from my statement I can find some peace that there is still hope for humanity.
Trust is near impossible to restore after such heart break.
by: Anonymous

Once I began reading the tears would not stop. For I have also cheated on my husband. I was with my husband for 20yrs, we have two children.

I was one of those people that would say "I would never cheat on my husband because that means you cheat your children as well."

After having my second child there was little intimacy. I suspected my husband was cheating, he denied it but his close friend mistakenly let it slip when drinking. My husband still denied. I didn't leave. I had a 4yr old & newborn.

I refused to allow anyone to take my family away. As the years went on I got lonely. I tried talking to my husband night after night. It only annoyed him. So I cried myself to sleep a lot. No one at this point knew we were even having problems. Looking in, we appeared to be the perfect family.

I asked my husband to go to counseling, he refused. Said that he was happy and didn't need it. So I began confiding in my best friend that was a man. Once I began having feelings, I told my husband. That was it, I was a cheat. He couldn't control his anger even in front of my boys. I left him. He moved on one month after I left as did I partially. We have been separated for 4 1/2yrs.

We made several attempts to get back together. He would lead me to the alter if you will,then abandon me every time. This last time I had done everything to prove my love. Everything was in place and we were making plans for our future.

He began showing signs of cheating. He denied. Come to find out that the man I thought was extremely honorable and would NEVER cheat. I pleaded with him not to do what I did. Our boys have suffered enough,not to mention the guilt and shame that haunts you is unbelievable. We waited over 4yrs to be together. I thought I had enough time to make up for my mistake but I didn't. He gave up after 5 months and left me for another woman. I can't help to feel as if I failed again. I have ruined all of our lives by being selfish. My boys aren't happy, they're angry and feel they are being punished for our mistakes.

I live with the shame with every breath. Bottom line is cheating only causes heartache!
Trust is nearly impossible to restore after such heart break.
by: Anonymous

Once I began reading this thread the tears would not stop. For I have also cheated on my husband. I was with my husband for 20yrs, we have two children. I was one of those people that would say "I would never cheat on my husband because that means you cheat on your children as well."

After having my second child there was little intimacy. I suspected my husband was cheating, he denied it but his close friend mistakenly let it slip when drinking. My husband still denied. I didn't leave. I had a 4yr old & newborn.

I refused to allow anyone to take my family away. As the years went on I got lonely. I tried talking to my husband night after night. It only annoyed him. So I cried myself to sleep a lot. No one at this point knew we were even having problems.

Looking in, we appeared to be the perfect family. I asked my husband to go to counseling, he refused. Said that he was happy and didn't need it. So I began confiding in my best friend that was a man. Once I began having feelings, I told my husband. That was it, I was a cheat.

He couldn't control his anger even in front of my boys. I left him. He moved on one month after I left as did I partially. We have been separated for 4 1/2yrs. We made several attempts to get back together. He would lead me to the alter if you will, then abandon me every time. This last time I had done everything to prove my love. Everything was in place and we were making plans for our future.

He began showing signs of cheating. He denied it. I came to find out that the man I thought was extremely honorable and would NEVER cheat. I pleaded with him not to do what I did. Our boys have suffered enough, not to mention the guilt and shame that haunts you is unbelievable. We waited over 4yrs to be together. I thought I had a life time to make up for my mistake but I didn't. He gave up after 5 months and left me for another woman. I cant help to feel as if I failed again.

I have ruined all of our lives by being selfish. My boys aren't happy, they're angry and feel they are being punished for our mistakes. I live with the shame with every breath. Bottom line is cheating only causes heartache!
Too Late
by: Anonymous

There is no excuse for what you have done. It is unforgivable. You show no respect for you, your husband, or your family. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You deserve nothing from your husband other than a divorce. Cheating is a sign of weakness. You are weak.
What hurt's the most
by: I've been There

I did a silly thing by cheating on my Husband...... We have been married for 4yrs and we have a 3 year old beautiful girl and I decided he was not paying me enough attention and decided to look outside... instead of trying to talk it out with him.

Well he eventually found out about it and approached me and I denied it until he showed me the evidence. I have apologized and he decided to forgive me because of our daughter .......... but every time I look into his eyes I can see the hurt I've caused and it kills me to know that I was sooooooooo stupid. I kind of know that he has forgiven me but what hurts the most is that I'm his constant reminder of tainted LOVE in this world ............ I'm SO SORRY.........
dishonorable
by: Anonymous

you don't deserve forgiveness especially when you say you cant be sure it will never happen again. your hubby deserves much better.
It's a start
by: Keith

Natalie,

My wife left me in December of 2012, moved in with another man in February of 2013 (preplanned), lied to my two kids by telling them that I was only paying $500.00 per month when I was actually sending $1000.00 for child support; of course so that she could spend the other $500.00 on her lover, told every lie imaginable on me, and never, and I do mean never, not once apologized for anything.

This is not even close to everything that she did, but I won't go into all of it. It is so sick and repugnant that it defies the imagination. By the way, I am not making this up. This is not something I read in some book, nor a made up story; this happened to me and if it had not happened to me, I probably would have trouble believing it because I have never met, nor heard of anyone being this messed up in the head.

Anyway, I got custody of my kids and God gave me total victory in the divorce. The fact that you can admit your mistake is a huge step in the right direction. Even if you do not reconcile with your ex, at least your ex can respect you again.

He is hurting inside; believe me he really is, but your apology will help him heal and you too. I never got an apology, but God healed my heart any way. I can tell you that it is very likely that he will never, ever, trust you again; but never is a long time.

My advice, being a man that has been on the receiving end of what you've done, don't expect him to welcome you back right away; if at all. Start off by seeking God's forgiveness first, then apologize to your husband, and finally, forgive yourself. Once you have done this, leave it in Gods hands. You tried to do things your way and see the results; you broke up your family. Now let God fix it
Re: Just Leave...... By EW
by: JC

When I read your response it felt like you were in my head. I feel exactly as you (empty/hollow). It's been 11 yrs since my wife cheated on me and I stayed. I thought I forgave her but the feeling of anger and hurt are still there. I should have left but I stayed for my daughter and I thought I still wanted to be with her and most days I do. But I find myself feeling ashamed of myself because I didn't leave after being so disrespected. I won't say I'm glad that there are others who went through the same thing and feel the same way as I do, but it's a little comforting to know I'm not the only one who's been through this and feels this way.
Been there
by: Anonymous

I have been where you are. No one understands. Everyone thinks you did it out of selfishness, but if you were like me you TRIED EVERYTHING to make your partner happy. It wasn't working so you found an alternative route. I understand. I am no longer with my ex but it is because I wasn't happy running my life into the ground trying to make him happy and getting nowhere. Know who you are and stand strong in what you want/need no matter how long it takes you.
Don't listen to the haters
by: Anonymous

Firstly I don't know how long ago you posted this letter but I came across it doing a little soul searching myself online and felt I needed to comment on this.

A lot of the other people commenting on this are so narrow minded to think that because you cheated you are not worthy of forgiveness. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years and best friend since we were 3 years old. About 2 years into our relationship he started behaving in a way that wasn't great (don't want to post why as it's private) but believe me I went through the worst times of my life and still stuck by him through things a 22 yr old should not have to go through.

But one day his best friend asked me to go for a drink as he could see I needed someone to talk to and one thing led to another and before I knew it it was a year later and I had been involved in what could only be described as a full blown affair behind my partners back.

And then to my delight but also horror my boyfriend started to turn his life around and be the man I'd always hoped he would be. I ended the affair and luckily the best friend moved to the other side of the world so it was so selfish but I sort of brushed it under the carpet and just enjoyed being finally happy with my boyfriend.

However 6 months ago through my own stupid mistake my boyfriend found out what had happened and immediately broke up with me and told me there was no hope in getting back together. I wake up every day hating myself just that little bit more and although I would never contemplate taking my own life most days when I wake up I'm disappointed that I have.

He has since shown signs of still wanting to be with me still meets up with me occasionally but seems to back track anytime we get to close and be angry again. Like you know I will never give up on this man cos he is the love of my life and I would rather be alone then with anyone else but him.

My point of my message is to say you're not alone with what you did and the people saying you don't deserve forgiveness have obviously never had to deal with how bad people like you and me feel everyday. I really hope you get your husband back just as I hope I get my partner back and wish people would think about an individual's situation before judging them ! Good luck x
Just Leave...
by: EW

The pain NEVER goes away... My wife cheated on me while l was deployed to Iraq.

I stayed for my children. BIG MISTAKE. If I could give any advice I'd say get out now. I think about what she did EVERY DAY. It affects me fully and changed my life forever. I don't even remember who I was before. It's been 10 yrs. It consumes me. Not fair to my wife because I just keep torturing her for it and she probably doesn't even know why because I told her I forgave her...I love her, but l didn't. And she deserves better. Even though she hurt me profoundly.

I should have grown some balls and left.
Sincerely,
Hollow man
How could you
by: Anonymous

How could anyone cheat on a person whom you love so much? How can you live after losing your lover's trust? I would rather die before I lose all that. Apart from the overwhelming love of ours we have a deep responsibility and respect towards each other. I don't understand why people disrespect their partner so selfishly.
I hurt my husband
by: Anonymous

I read this after I hurt my husband, we live apart he's in school somewhere miles away, he found some flirt messages on my phone and I've never been in any r/ship with the guy in question.

It was just one of those stupid things I regret doing, I had a very good r/ship with hubby and this foolish mistake has cost me my marriage.

I love my husband so much, I have apologized all I could and still doing it. He said he had forgiven me but the day he was leaving just at the airport I could see rage in his eyes. When he reached there he said he's divorcing me, he can't go on.
Even Now
by: Anonymous

To those who are thinking of cheating and think your husband or wife will forgive you and get back to the way it was, it never does -- my first wife cheated on me and even today after being married to my second wife for 30 yrs I still get that sharp knife in the gut feeling when I hear of a wife that says she cheated on the love of her life. It hurts forever...
Cheating on my husband
by: Anonymous

I cheated on my husband so bad and I feel breaking up would be a better solution because he is so hurt and my heart is wounded so badly...

He did cheat on me before but it's not an excuse for me to do it to him. I feel so wounded, dirty and I honestly regret it... I feel divorce would be better for us in the long run.
Thank you
by: mercy

I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About a year ago I and my partner split up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your email on this site. Our wedding date is set for Summer 2013.
Sincere and Honest
by: Anonymous

Your letter was sincere and honest. I really hope he forgives you.

My husband cheated on me before and it still haunts me to this day. Sure I had forgiven him but I'll tell you it's hard getting back your marriage once it's screwed up.

We've been working on it for 2 yrs and it's still hard to trust him. Sometimes I find it a punishment to myself for staying with him. I still feel sometimes distance and lonely and I constantly fear the worse that one day he will find some else and all those efforts that we tried went to waste. Leaving me with a broken heart in an empty world of promise.

Lets hope he forgives and gets over it.
lost touch..irresistable pain that i ignored for 5years
by: Yousra

woooow I read the letter and the comments ..I got nothing to say except I'm crying so bad that I heard all of the stories...because I got to a point in my life where I MADE myself believe that love doesn't exist anymore..AND THANK YOU ALL FOR PROVING ME WRONG.

Most of you would guess by now that I did have a bad love experience....well, 4 yrs haven't seen him AND STILL LOVE HIM but I'm CONSTANTLY telling myself that I forgot him and that it's not love... but I liked soooo many guys after him , somehow I just never seemed to love someone as I love(d) him or to feel the same heat and pressure and pain and desire and LOVE... that i have for him.

I left the country to continue my studies abroad but we stayed in touch even stronger..till we had a huge fight and we were cut off...when I came back to my country I didn't have his number nor his address nor his last name...I looked , searched everywhere ..he was nowhere to be found...I never lost hope and now my hope grew bigger ...sometimes I feel lost and helpless with all the dead ends that I run into...

I'm sorry to bother you all with this but at least now I "admit" that it's love. THANK YOU byebye with all my best wishes for all the real lovers out in the world.
Husband Dirty Talking other Woman
by: Geez

Hi,

I was reading your mails on cheating spouses...
I'm just fresh from the oven...yesterday i found out dat my husband been dirty talking to woman on the net...and watches sex video clips and god can't bear the pain when i read his tread of emails which was disgusting...

He sent me an apology note today morning but i had nothing to write...feel empty and i will nvr find a word to forgive him...

I got up today with a brand new mission and life that i want to have....and yes, i have started and will not let him break me again....
ouch. what to do!!
by: andrew

i have been married for 10 years. my wife told me after work that she is seeing someone. she will sleep with me tonight and tomorrow will spend with her new(not really) boyfriend.i told her to not stay, go to him now, i was shocked and heartbroken. we have a 7 and 3 year old. i have been taking care of them for 2.5 years while i work nights. i soon found out that she had unprotected sex in the bed my 3 yr old daughter slept, while she is there. am i crazy for wanting her back?
Thank you!
by: Heartbroken

To the writer of the apology letter...

Although me and my boyfriend are not married, I still think I know EXACTLY how you felt, just from reading your letter.

At the moment, it is too painful to explain exactly what happened in my situation, but it is so comforting to see that someone else understands that sometimes the pain of breaking your loved one's heart is much worse than the pain of actually having your heart broken and being cheated on.

When I cheated, (and it was only a drunken kiss), it broke my heart to see the pain I'd caused the man I love.

I have written two letters to him myself, but still no word after 2 weeks. It feels like a death of a best friend and the pain of the guilt is so unbearable.

So thank you for showing me your own story and it gives me hope that one day my boyfriend will forgive me too for what I am so desperately sorry for.

Thank you! And God bless you.
Sorry
by: Anonymous

I feel deeply sorry for your loss.

Sebastian
i will pray for you
by: erin

Hello, I am hoping the lady that posted the comment about her husband passing maybe reads this...I don't even know what this website is, I just came across it when I googled the words "waiting on an apology from my husband" I am not really super religious person but i am very spiritual person, I feel like maybe God led me to this. My husband is my love and my life and he and I were having hard times this past year because he is having a hard time since he came home from Iraq, he is in the Airforce. I googled that phrase because I feel I am waiting for him to just apologize for the hard times he has caused over the past year but I truly have forgiven him whether he does or not, my love is the same for him no matter what his actions are. When you truly love someone that love is in YOUR heart for them, it does not always have to be in THEIR heart. My husband is my love, my life, my best friend, and my soul mate and what he is going through mentally is not about me so I am just trying to be there and love "HIM." I was so touched by what you wrote because that is how I feel. My husband has been deployed to the Middle East 3 times since we have been married and I swore to him and to God that my heart belongs to them forever. If God were to take my husband to be with HIM before he took me, I would wait forever to be with my husband again. It is so sad how people think these days. I will never take my husband or my marriage or even this life for granted. To the lady who wrote that message, you will be in my prayers and I admire you and I imagine your husband was almost as amazing as my husband, he he. I am so glad that you and he were able to mend your hearts before he went to heaven and enjoy the time you had here together...God bless...
Love Erin
I am the one that wrote this letter
by: Anonymous

I wrote the letter below, and my husband did forgive me. So to the person that just wrote that last comment I hope you read my reply. He obviously had much more of a heart than you. My husband died 5 months ago, and he died loving me and had forgiven me. And my heart is still with him and I will be waiting for him and not getting remarried, that is how much I love him.
wow
by: Anonymous

If someone were to forgive you guys they are stupid. If you can't be loyal with your partner when you should be especially when you are married and have kids, what will make your partner want you back? Anyone can get on here and say sweet things but if you really love them as much as you say you do, why do it in the first place?
Thank you
by: Paul

I loved your letter to your husband.
my name is Paul i have been married to my wife for 9 months. I cheated on her when we were engaged but she only found out last week. It was a year ago for me that I did what i did, but for my wife it was a week ago that I cheated on her.

She is a very strong women, and has said that she loves me but does not want to be treated the way I have treated her, she also has said that she knows she can live without me no matter how much it hurts. Trouble is I cannot live without her and I love her so so much. Just like your letter says, my love has grown so much stronger for my wife in the last 10 months and I don't want her to leave but I don't know how to hold on to her.
Me too....
by: Anonymous

My situation isn't half as bad as yours. But I almost know how you feel. I'd been with my boyfriend for two years, and in a drunken moment I kissed my sort of ex (well, someone I used to like, and my boyfriend knows I liked him)... he thinks it was emotional...but it wasn't. He's taking time at the moment but I really don't think it looks hopeful. He's said he knows I'm sorry and knows I love him... but its killing me at the moment. I need him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me...I had written him a similar letter but he's still really really mad with me... I'm so scared of losing him for good and don't know what else I can do to make him begin to forgive me.
add a poem
by: Anonymous

This seems like a good apology. The only thing I would do differently is after you say you are not talented like him in writing poems say that you are going to try to make one anyway. Attach the poem to the bottom, no matter how corny you may think it is.
Whoah.
by: J.Mac

Wow, Natalie, just reading your apology makes me feel like a better person..you seem so great,and unbelievabely strong. Your husband will forgive you. I know I would if i heard something as beautiful as that.
Husband's (and childrens') Apology
by: Anonymous

I can only offer a little advice (kinda been there....)

Start the letter by explicitly acknowledging what it is you did, and that you understand how much it hurt your husband. You need to clearly admit this at the outset of your letter so there is no question whatsoever that you get it.

And you need to do this especially if it's awkward, painful and unpleasant for you. That's the point. Your feelings are besides the point in an apology letter.

You seem to be hinting at an explanation and perhaps justification) for what you did when you state "I was feeling hurt". When it comes to personal apologies like this one, for a mistake like this one, it's probably a good idea to avoid any attempt to explain why you did it, or attempt in any way to share any part of the blame because your were "hurt". It implies that "hurting" you somehow justifies how you ended up hurting your husband. leave it out!

You may also want to acknowledge other ripple effects of what you did by pointing to the effects on your children. It seems that your husband is not the only one who deserves an apology, and your husband and children should understand that you get that as well.

Aside from this, the letter reads like it's straight from the heart, and that's important. Good Luck, Hope it works out.

Someone who has been there and is hopefully wiser for it....

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