Apology Letter to Karla

by Tao Sterling Kayer
(Cordes Lakes, AZ)

Karla... I realize that you want me out of you're life because of all that I have done to hurt you and that you hate me now and don't want anything to do with me. And I absolutely deserve it because I invaded you're privacy and shared you're personal and private moments that didn't really need to be shared as well as many other things.

I have made you angry with me to the point that our online friendship has unfortunately come to an end because of my mistakes.

I cared about you a lot and we shared things together, I helped you out with some difficult and trying times in you're life and we drew close and became good friends and felt like we could confide in each other and trust in each other completely.

You came into my life when I was going through a very difficult time after losing a very well admired, friendly and very well liked and loved person to suicide and did what I could to help you and you became a much better person thanks to my advice as well as my help even though you never thanked me for it.

For an entire year and 3 months we knew each other, we talked about whatever we could think of, I inspired you to become a much better person, I helped you out with you're problems when you needed my advice and help, I even got you into cosplaying. But then I secretly developed feelings for you, feelings that I knew that you wouldn't be able to return because the rules that you have in place because of you're line of work.

And then everything ended up falling apart with all of the mistakes that I have made because of my jealousy as well as other things that I wish that I would have told you about.

But before I go away for good, there are some things I really need to say. I'm not gonna go away bitter or mad, I'm just gonna let it go and cherish the friendship that we had.

I'm sorry...

...For not listening to you and doing what I should have
...For invading you're personal and private life outside of you're job
...For flipping out on you and overreacting and making small things into big things
...For not taking you're feelings or how you felt into consideration
...For mistakenly letting you know that I have feelings for you even though I understand that you are happy with someone else who means the world to you
...For spying on you're boyfriend now husband and being extremely jealous
...For letting my jealousy get in the way and not thinking clearly
...For all of the mistakes that have ended up pushing you away and out of my life
...For being difficult to be around
...For not being able to be you're friend
...For doing all of the things that ended up hurting you and made you lose you're trust in me

I will never forget you. I really needed someone like you around during the time that I met you, which was a year ago. It's crazy to think that. I was going through a lot of emotional trauma during that period of time and being around a friend like you made me forget about all the bad stuff.

I had never met anyone like you before, I had never met a friend who was so caring, compassionate, funny, and very unique as well as fun to be around and as beautiful as you were... that is why I ended up secretly falling for you even though you had already met someone else in you're life who you deserve to be with, who loves you for who you are and respects you regardless of all of you're flaws.

And I will never find another young woman like you ever again! You never took into account how I felt about you and never realized how extremely lucky to have the friendship that you had because of what I had done for you, or even thanked me for helping you through you're difficult and troubling times in you're life.

But despite everything that has happened, I can't help but still care about you for some reason. I wish that we could have handled things differently and that you would have handled things better than you did. I never wanted to get romantically involved with you because I knew very well that you are with somebody else and are very happily married to him.

I know that it's too late now and that you don't want anything to do with me anymore, but I wish that we could talk again and discuss this like mature, reasonable and responsible people, but I know that's never going to happen.

I'm so very sorry.

I'm not saying I am completely at fault, but I'm admitting my wrong doing. It may not mean anything to you now, but it means a lot to me for you to know this.

I know I can't do anything more to change your mind, and I don't expect you to, but at least you really know how I feel, and I feel better for letting it out.

I wish nothing but the best for you and you're husband. I hope that the both of you have a happy as well as long lasting marriage together and that you find a friend who treated you with enough respect and is willing to go out of his way to help you through you're dark and difficult times in life just like I have done and can respect you're right to privacy outside of you're job.

I wish that things didn't have to be this way, I will miss you as well as our friendship like I already do.I hope that someday that I'll find somebody with the same unique qualities that you have so that whoever I meet I can be friends with and learn not to make the same mistakes that I made with you Karla.

Goodbye Karla P.