An Apology To My Best Friend, I'm Sorry

by Marissa

I wanted to say sorry for what I did because I know what I did to you was horrible and I can't just let you go without an apology. While I thought I would never write this note to you of all people, I still can't stop crying about it. I'm such a bad person and I shouldn't have done that to you and I'm so sorry.

I really want things to go back to normal but that's not going to happen. I want us to laugh and play around like we used to and I want us to relate again. I want to be able to say that you will be with me and I will be with you forever and that I'll never leave you. I want to be able to say that again.

But I can't .

I can't because of what I did. I lost one of the most important people in my life. I miss how we used to wait for each other on the bus and how we used to sit with each other and enjoy it.

But now that I lost you, I realize how mean I was. And, how I was a jerk and how I was so self indulgent and how I was a bad friend.

I'm trying my hardest not to cry right now and when I see you as happy as can be without me I try to stop the tears. And, when Aubree told me at Kroger that you and Gracie were talking about me and how mean I am, I broke, it hurt. But it was true.

I couldn't believe how bad I was to you and I'm sorry for everything. I can't believe that after two years I lost my best friend, the one that was there when no one was.

You stood up for me and you were my best friend and when people say who is your best friend I will always say under any circumstances that it's Alyssa. And what hurts the most, it that you will no longer say the same because I want to be friends again.

I want to be by your side and I want to go to camp and I want to forget this whole thing like it never happened. Except that won't happen.

I don't know when I'm moving but I know it's going to be somewhere in the next three months and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me because I don’t know how much longer I can make it knowing I was a jerk to you so much that you can’t forgive me.

Can we please put this all behind us?

Marissa