An Apology From The Bottom of my Heart

by Natalie T.
(London)

Dear Jerome...I hope you do not tear this letter up before opening and reading it. I know you are mad at me after what happened.

With a bruised heart and a sad soul, I seek your apology.

I know I cannot go back in the past and erase what I said and did, but owing to the divine love we share for each other, I want to beg for forgiveness from all my heart and soul.

It's been a while and I should be over you. I shouldn't still love you. I should hate you. I should want nothing to do with you. But, I want everything to do with you. I miss you, I miss us.

I wish we could restart. I want to feel your soft lips against mine. I want to hold your large hand, which fits mine perfectly. I want to lay my head on your lap. I want to rant to you about my day.

My love for you is eternal, and I can assure you that I will take appropriate and effective measures to make it better each and every day. There are fluctuations in every relationship, but in the end, pure love survives.

I have suffered so much in the past few months and I just feel so empty inside.

I lost my best friend, I lost my rock, I lost my soulmate and I lost the love of my life. I opened up to you in all aspects of my life, shared things that nobody knows. Spending time with you healed all my wounds, just being in the same space made me feel complete and whole!!!

One thing you said to me that had stuck with is ‘You are not worthy of me’ that being said I'm sorry I wasn’t worthy. I'm sorry for not being pretty enough, intimate enough, understanding enough, or whatever it is that I wasn't good enough at.

The little confidence I had has completely gone and I am completely empty inside.

You and I both know that I sacrificed for you…..put you first in everything, suffered along the way but it was always about you. I Always showed you loved, loved you in sickness and in health, I loved you for who you really are and not for who you front to be!

I always had your back, always showed you how much you meant to me and always used my last penny on you! I forgot about myself because you were everything to me. I still wake up and go to sleep thinking about you. I prayed and still pray for marriage and a family with you!

For you to go round saying I cheated when I did not. That f*cking hurts!!!!! You made me so many promises that you failed to keep. You have even denied me of the business money we made.

Remember Jerome, it was me who did that for you. You don’t know the fights I had at work for that business. To you it was a walk in the park!

One thing I wish and ask for is a face to face conversation! Because I gave you my all and for you to walk away like I’m nothing...that really cuts deep!

I have forgiven you so many times for all the hurt you caused me throughout the 4 years. I never truly expressed how much hurt I went through but believe me when I say, I held back a lot my emotions from you because I was always scared of losing you.

Jerome I never asked you for anything but now I ask that you come and speak to me and have a real in-depth conversation with me.

You mean the world to me and I worry about you every day.

Love Nat