A Letter to the Friends of my Love

by Fran
(California)

Dear Friends of my Love...There were a few minutes yesterday, perhaps an hour, that were the happiest moments of my life. He proposed! The feelings flooding through me of love, happiness, joy, and yes, relief, were thrilling. As you know, we love each other so very much, and our journey has been one of much struggle and sadness, tests of faith, anger, regret, remorse, well, you may be wondering at this moment, what is spurring us on?

Our hearts are drawn to each other dear friends. We are hopelessly in love. Our deep sense of longing and love for each other pulls our hearts to action in extraordinary tests of faith.

In return for this amazing gift, I have hurt my love badly. I will spend my days making it up to him. He has shown amazing character and strength in his actions, in his continuance of love and devotion toward me. Yet it seems I continue to disappoint him.

After my few moments of joy yesterday, I behaved irrationally, spouting out stupid things that, when you get to know me, if you will please ever give me a chance, you will know, we're completely just that; stupid comments that I did not think about when I began quoting some episode I saw of Criminal Minds.

Have you ever been really excited and said something you wish, or even thought to yourself, 'was I thinking that, or did it really just come out of my mouth?', well, if you know me for a bit, you will be saying that to me, Fran, did you just say that? I get so excited sometimes, and I am so so sorry to have offended you all.

I was so shocked at myself, and so upset because he has to be embarrassed for me all over again! I promise you, I am really not a horrible person. I do make mistakes. I feel I could write a Sylvia Plath novel at the moment, however, I do try really hard. And I will try really hard with you all as well. Teach me. Please.

We live in a static world, ever changing times, yet, sadly, some things don't really change much, do they? I want to learn. I want my daughters to grow up in a world that is more loving and less prejudice toward them.

I do not have the answers. I do not know what to tell them when they are called names, or singled out for their color. I just hug them. I want to learn. I want what is best for them.

Please, if you could find it in your hearts to forgive me this indiscretion, I will pay you back a thousand fold, with my love and the love of my daughters, with our tireless efforts to give, to work with you all, to change things and make a difference in this world. Please, forgive me. Guide me and my girls to a better life, one where we all can love and live in peace.

Your pain is not unnoticed by me. I feel everyone's it seems. That I caused you undue pain, stress, worry, is daunting. I am hurting over this, and assure you I will do my very best to be more considerate in the future.

I cannot tell you how much I feel for others when they hurt, but I do, I always tell my baby that my heart bleeds for others, I believe it does at times.

I see the expressions on others faces when comments are made that are inappropriate, and feel like I could just die myself for the person who made them, and now, in the moment that was so happy for me, I did that. I am so sorry. I could feel, could sense your pain immediately, it was overwhelming to me.

I cannot expect you to just forget, but I do hope you will give me another chance and find forgive me now or at some point in the future. I will hope to be very close with every one here, and really do not want to hurt anyone, least of all, the people my love has as his close family.

Thank you for listening to me, working with me, putting up with me in your tireless efforts to assist my love and I. He is everything to me.

Fran