A Letter of Apology to my Beautiful Son

by Emily A.
(Columbus, Oh)

Dear C... You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The day I saw that pregnancy test was the day you saved my life. That day I threw up, sobered up and ultimately grew up. You are my pride and joy, and as you say, I love you "more than life (itself) cereal." I need you to know that I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry for letting you live in a home with an alcoholic father. One who ignored us, avoided us, and eventually left us, because I didn't have the emotional strength to pull the trigger and leave. That was not a way to spend almost five years, and I will probably regret it for the rest of my life.

I tried to get him help for years, I tried to save the family, and I failed. I was a total enabler for so long. Excusing his behavior, allowing him to distance himself from us, lying for him, and letting him neglect us for booze and music. I'm so sorry.

I will never put you in a situation like that again. You and I are the family, we always have been. We've been the only willing participants, and I am so sorry that I cannot change that. I'm sorry that I allowed you to live in a broken home, long before he left.

I promise to always keep you safe and loved. I promise to always be honest and communicate with you. I promise to make every day as much fun as I possibly can. I promise to never let another alcoholic affect our lives. I promise that you will always be ok because I will make sure of it. And I promise that you can sleep in my bed as long as you need to.

You are the best son a mother could have. Even though I cannot change our past, I will make sure our future is bright as can be. We are worth it.

I love you. -Mom